Not myself

[From yesterday; today was a rainy Buddha's bday.] We went up to Bongwonsa today, the huge temple complex very close to where I live, looked around, and had a free lunch. After a short walk in the drizzle, we headed to the airport, which made me never want to travel again. It's so freaking far via train transport, which intensifies when tired out of my mind from being ON 24/7. I wasn't willing to let go entirely of my workload, so we'd come home nights and I'd stay up in catch up mode (but never catching up), and start the next day early all over again. So what started as massive allergies every day has now morphed into what might be a cold. I'll know for sure tomorrow.

I still can't rest. I took some melatonin and am waiting for it to kick in, but I need to not do it so much b/c it makes me dizzy some mornings. The constant low-grade anxiety ('I'm always behind' feeling) has taken over. Coupled with the 'as hard as I work, I might never catch up' feeling. Which feels awful. Instead of coming home and napping, I came home today and did a full-home scrub down and two loads of laundry. I also cooked and treated myself to guilty pleasures TV, but that just stressed me out even more b/c of the content. CLEARLY, I need to re-invest in better stress and time management efforts. I haven't processed my lecture, and feel so far away from being an artist that it makes me fret. Oh, wait. Everything makes me fret.

But tomorrow is a new day, where I don't have to worry about stepping on someone on the way to the bathroom. I love my friends, but I love my solo time / space, too.