Current inspiration

From Federico Fellini's "La Dolce Vita;" costume design by Piero Gherardi. Still recovering from a bumpy bike ride with Chris. We walked towards the storm and rain clouds, and biked back, saying hello to the cows and horses. Joy arrives tomorrow!

Spells and fasting

I'm addicted to potato prints. They smell even better the next day.

Even though the potatoes go black and shrivel up pretty quickly.

See! Thanks to Elizabeth for the spell. Doing this print over and over was a good lesson in Spanish. After printing it for the umpteenth time, I finally understood the conjugation and words and everything, just on my own. The magic of potatoes!

This is the ghost print of today's version with day-old potatoes. Get it? Because the spell says that if you don't heal today, you will tomorrow. So I wanted to see how the prints fare "today" and "tomorrow," too!

I stopped eating today and feel okay so far. I made three paper sample books, did tons of printing, and finished two apps. One more and I'm golden for the Oct 1 deadlines. I'm learning that I prefer almond milk to rice milk, by a landslide.

All ends are burning

I finally caught on fire today. This was my brilliant idea of pressing long sheets. They slid to the bottom when I was setting up the tripod. But they survived.

I carved these out of potatoes. Good god, did I do that TODAY?? See? I can't even remember doing it today but I'm pretty sure I did. If I think really hard...I've lost all sense of time. It's a temporary alphabet for a very specific text. You'll see the answers tomorrow.

Jacklyn's snake got a hat courtesy of Chris. Isn't it swell? I did crazy amounts of potato stamping after making paper. Which I did after going to town. Where I got a few more things to start my fast this weekend.

I had to run after flyaway paper today. Belinda watched as I ran across the lot whenever I saw something that looked like paper in the distance. Tonight, I made keepsakes: a set of paper samples, personalized with names and icons I made for each resident. I'll give them out next week when we do a presentation to the community in downtown Sheridan. Props to Jami for telling me last year that giving has a lot to do with my artwork and process. I still don't get it, but whatever works, right?

And, Terttu posted one of the portraits she took of me and little sis!

Moon, moon

Tonight is a full moon. This is the studio before I go in and realize I can't do much b/c my eyes are so dry that they're not working anymore.

Yesterday, I thought it would be a great idea to take a parking lot rock to hold down my cattails as they cooked. Later, I burned my face with the caustic that was on my rubber glove as I shoved my glasses up my nose. I have lots of great ideas.

While making a grand mess cooking two batches of cattail, I cut up potatoes and carrots to do monoprints.

This is much more fun than chopping to cook things.

Making 1st grade art was unbelievably satisfying. In the meantime, I'm starting to panic about all the apps due soon. But I can't do them now since my eyes aren't working anymore. So, that means tea and sleep.

Time warp

Whoa. I have no idea what is going on - I thought I already did this post yesterday but obviously I have not. This is from the cattail harvest. I was so befuddled by scaring away the cows that I mistakenly put my camera on the B&W setting. I am just back from a walk where Chris showed me the dead porcupine. I've never seen one. You could see right where it was hit in the bum and the bottoms of its back paws and blood on the gravel and its little black face w/an open eye.

I got this fantastic mail from the past resident of my studio. I've been mailing things daily, which ensures that I get at least one small walk into each day. I've also been watching a movie every day. We'll finish "La Dolce Vita" tonight. Yesterday's cold, cloudy, windy weather put all of us into a funk but today was nice and sunny and I did yoga outside while cooking my cattails.

Good news via Reina: There is a review of Pulp Function in the new American Craft Magazine, and it includes a picture of my piece! I am dying to get my hands on a copy, so look out for it! I will order it but wish I could just go out to a store and buy it immediately. [After I posted I found an online preview so you can see the image briefly.]

Also, James (a friend from MN, and writer) and Susan (a friend from NY, and poet) have pieces in the latest issue of Yellow Medicine Review. Wohoo!

My favorite recipe in the Jentel cookbook

[I am here until October 12 at Jentel Artist Residency Program, 132 Lower Piney Creek Road, Banner, WY 82832, USA.]

How weird

I thought I published that last post last night. I think wireless is back now but I don't trust any of it anymore. The latest news: I finally got to cook for everyone tonight, found a strange bar running across my performance DVD (not cool; I hate technical troubleshooting), and found out that Joy might swing by for a visit on her road trip from Cali to Philly!

Losing wireless

Ack! We've lost our wireless connection so I've been out of commission for a bit. I'm on the really slow computer upstairs in the house and thank goodness that one works. But I had hilarious pictures that I wanted to share...oh well.

I've made two batches of paper: one from sagebrush leaves, and one from the stalks. The stalks acted exactly like the maize in Mexico. Impossible. Hahaa! But the leaves made nice paper, even though I know the green color and the scent will all disappear in time. The grounds and maintenance guy here said that I was doing a kind of smudge when I was cooking the leaves in the house - the smell was so strong!

Today I harvested cattail, and in the process, scared away an entire herd of black cows. I felt badly but they were right in the same area as the cattail. They just saw me and BOLTED.

No rest for the papermaker

Yesterday was our weekly trip to town for groceries and other tasks. I barely made it back in one piece from dehydration, lack of sleep, and sun. Lynn took us back on the scenic route so that we could see the town of Wyarno, which has two houses, a bar, and a post office. It looked like a few houses on the side of the road. Apparently it had been for sale for a little over a million. We also saw Ucross and lots of stunning topography. I kept wondering what it was like way back when this entire area was underwater. Then I did no studio work whatsoever except my daily mail art. I tried to strip the sagebrush stalks but after losing a few layers of skin on my fingers, I gave up and just cooked it.

I had to stay up late to cook, and couldn't be away from the pot for very long. Once I was tired of that, I went upstairs to watch "Rebecca" with Joanna and Chris, which was a riot. Today, I tried cooking the sagebrush leaves but the smell was getting to Marianne, so I took it outside on the grill, which has a separate burner. Go, propane tank! It was pretty exciting to do all that stuff outside. It's more fun that way (and protects residents from noxious fumes).

The trip threw off my momentum and I've just been laying around reading a lot. I stayed at the house in the morning to do laundry, fiber rinsing & cooking, yoga, and realizing that I've been eating vanilla yogurt (I thought it was too sweet to be plain!). I got back into the studio today to make the leaf paper. I keep forgetting to plug another show I'm in that opened last Saturday in Amherst: I have three knit books in the Fiber + Book exhibit at the Fiber Art Center. I hear that it looks great!

My first harvest in Wyoming

I harvested some sagebrush today! Chris and I hiked into the 1,000 Acres this afternoon and I clipped along the way. It's stunning, and I was grateful for her company. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten very far from fear. We talked a lot about the possible rattlesnakes that would strike and how we would do the sidestep dance to save ourselves. I'm modeling the glamorous orange vests we have to wear when we go out so that people can see us. We met some cows but they weren't interested in us. And that's a Jentel hat.

The studio smells amazing right now. I don't want to leave just to stay in the aroma. I stripped all the leaves off of the stalks and have to steam and strip the bast fiber next. I was afraid that there wouldn't be enough for me to harvest, but once we got well into the hills, there was SO MUCH out there. We also saw a big patch of cattails next to the first hill. I'm sorry I didn't bring my boots, but I definitely want to harvest some of that, too. I had just told Chris about how cattails had been in my path since Mexico, and then she pointed and said, "what's that??" Jackpot.

Thank goodness Chris is also well-versed in papermaking, and from plants. That helps a lot. I think I'll make one more batch of paper tonight to round out the one I made this morning. I did some ink drawings today and started to make postcards, which I taped up. I've sent something out now every day and hope to continue. But trying not to overwhelm myself with mail art this time around. In general, I'm taking it easy.

p.s. - here is a short video of the creek.

Altitude adjustments

This is the first thing I made here, from paper I made in Mexico. I made it and then sent it to Jonah and his wife in Nebraska - he is the violist of the Chiara Quartet. I have been slowly acclimating. I started bleeding today so that is good b/c now I have a sense of when I can start my fast. And b/c I can now blame everything on either that or the elevation! Today, I blamed the elevation for making my lunch take forever to bake in the oven. I'll blame my period for the backaches.

I just accomplished the most important task of the day, that I haven't been able to swing since arrival: a nap! I passed out on the studio daybed listening to Feist. Now I'm ready for...not much. Just some tea, and writing a thank you email to the last resident: all of them from last month sent each of us postcards! Sweet. This is a piece I did today w/the paper I made yesterday.

Digesting

I just burned my mouth on ginger tea in the studio. There are great travel mugs in the kitchen and they hold lots of hot water. I have had a funny day, kind of like a lot of different days all stitched together. This image is from last night, late, when everyone else had gone to bed. There are three big black books full of memories by past residents. Kind of like the Ragdale blue books, but instead of for individual studios by individual artists, it's more like a group journal for each month. They're hilarious, full of pictures, drawings, labels from food and alcohol products, stories, and tips on how to best survive/enjoy the residency.

I had horrible fears going to sleep that I have a new cavity, that I will not get the Fulbright, and that I should just quit being an artist. Then I had horrible dreams about some woman telling me that I was a bad artist. It's amazing how intense the flushing out period is at the start of new residencies. I slept in and then had a perfect breakfast, talked with Chris out on the patio in the sun, and waded into the very cold creek. I finally got into the studio and had a good session. But then came the downfall: I cooked an ENORMOUS lunch and ate the entire thing. I should have gone to our fitness center (pictured here), but instead I ran out for a walk.

We have to wear these orange vests if we go out so that we're visible to vehicles on the road (no, not hunters. Hunting is prohibited on this property). I grabbed one and cut across the mulch to get to the one place we're allowed to jump a fence line. A staircase is built over the barbed wire, and a big mosquito bit me as I tried to take a picture. A flock of birds terrified me as I walked b/c they were hanging out in the tall grass and all took off at the same time. Sage is all over the place. I ran up the first incline and ran back down. The entire area beyond the fence is called 1,000 acres. We're supposed to take buddies our first time b/c it's very disorienting and experienced hikers have gotten lost for hours out there. But I just wanted to peek.

After a shower under super soft well water, I went up to the TV room to rest and watch "Paris Is Burning." Now, it's studio time.

The big picture, or trying

Um, this is very hard. There really is no way to capture this place w/my tiny camera and limited skills. So this is what you get for now. The rest are uploading as I type. THIS is an image of my view from the bedroom. The sun sets here. There are more windows on the adjacent wall. I live in a pentagon. Apparently, there are only about two right angles in the architecture of the whole house.

This is part of my bedroom. The entire house is decorated w/gorgeous mirrors, among other things (I have a mirror fetish). The benefactor, also has an antique business, and the entire place is decked out in amazing pieces. Like one of the artists said yesterday, it clearly looks and feels like no expense was spared in building this place.

And this is our home from the outside. Six bedrooms on the ground floor, split three on each wing, with a bunch of bathrooms. I think most of them have two sets of sinks. The bathrooms are gorgeous, too. Even the magazines in the bathrooms and their antique holders are beautiful. Each bedroom is named after an artist or writer: Emily Dickinson, Henri Matisse, Louise Nevelson, W. Somerset Maugham, Georgia O'Keeffe, and Hans Hoffmann. It was built five years ago with the help of 175 people. It's mindblowing.

A view of the living room from the second floor. The sun rises at the kitchen window (where the grey kitty likes to hang out) and sets at the living room huge huge huge windows. It's incredibly comfortable. The benefactor's huge paintings hang everywhere (and Jentel is an anagram of her first name!). Recipes from past residents, as well as fat scrapbooks from their stays, sit on the coffeetable. One even pasted a sliver of soap on a last page, telling us that if we don't shower every day, we still can have soap left (in each of our chests sit our linens, in matching colors to our bedrom, and a tiny bar of soap on top).

This is one corner of my studio. Sadly, there's only one window with weak light, but the track lighting is good. The room is huge. I LOVE that they all come with day beds. I've shoved all my stuff in the corner near the window so I can have an entire long wall and a short wall to work with installation-wise. . . . . .okay, the upload is finally done. Rearranging photos on flickr sucks, but I tried. Here they are!

Speechless

My camera's batteries died today, of course. So, no pics yet. It's just as well. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING. It is insanely gorgeous. The house that we live in (me and five other women) is unreal. Unreal! It's like living in a dream. I am in the Henri Matisse room. The theme is pink and purple. My mailbox (Matisse) is pink. I could easily just live in this house and not even make art or go into my studio and still be completely absorbed and busy. There is no way to describe it.

I am horribly exhausted. But I made all the flights and the connection and didn't lose my baggage. I did vomit in the morning but that was wholly unrelated to anything, and only related to mistakenly taking a vitamin C capsule on an empty stomach. That's all for now b/c I need to sleep in my purple bed. Pictures soon, b/c there is no other way to explain this paradise.

One last look backward

Rebecca shot this in the "library" at Guapa. Clearly, she picked the end of the shelf with the books in Spanish, not the other end where I put in the books I donated, all in English. I just finished reading Sandra Cisneros' Woman Hollering Creek. Her language is so satisfying - so precise and dead on with descriptions. Colors, feelings, memories, everything. It's remarkable. Often I read and feel like the author is really trying but hasn't quite hit it, or is trying too hard and all I can sense is the trying. The words end up cluttering my mind and missing their target. But Cisneros gets it every time. It's like watching a tennis pro (the perfect kind).

Almost done packing. Just need to decide on boots, and grab the sizing out of the fridge (a chemical to make paper more water resistant) before I leave early tomorrow morning. Two books ready for travel, and still a little time left to freak out about last-minute minutiae. Can't believe it's that time again. I was worried that I was packing way too much - that it was asking for too much art to be made in a month. But better overprepared than under.

I am turning off my computer. So that it will be well rested for its first residency.

Courtesy of Rebecca: more botas!

[These are Jill's boots. I don't know how they survived all the rain and river and mud and so on. They are like her, seriously hardy.] I'm too far gone to do my own images so Rebecca's will ride me through until I get on the road. I am sitting in a food coma right now after a really good dinner at Angelica Kitchen w/Gili and Pauly. Oh, my. No blood is running to my brain after so much food. I am so happy they have that tangy basil dressing on the menu now. Yum. But it's quite hard to do anything except lay down or roll around in this state.

[These are Gaelyn's boots. She was in my dreams last week and was our resident anthropologist.] I tried really hard to do Fulbright essay revisions today at a coffeeshop, but all I could do was fall asleep on my computer. So I gave up and instead ran errands. And I spent a looong time looking for all my toiletries for my trip. Somehow, I thought that all I had to get was lip balm. But then I remembered about shampoo, and toothpaste, and other fun things like Emergen-C (so much more pleasant to drink vitamin C rather than take the capsules). I wanted to get a million more things, but had to restrain myself. If I can, I might try to get a stainless steel pot and meat tenderizers tomorrow, but that is not as glamorous or fun. Though it IS for papermaking, which can be fun.

[This is my favorite image: the roof tiles.] Gili told me that Duane Reade carries the goat milk lotion that I like best, so we searched two but they only carry the gross scented version. So I'll have to order the unscented kind and have it sent to the residency. Tomorrow I pick up stamps so I can mail lovely things to my lovelies. And if you want to mail anything fun to me, I will be here from Sept 15 to October 12:

Jentel Artist Residency Program
132 Lower Piney Creek Road
Banner, WY 82832
USA

The goals for my last day: stop thinking/stressing/spinning over Fulbright entirely b/c clearly I need some time away from it. I'm choking under my own pressure. And pack generously! So that I have everything I need to stay warm.

Special delivery

I have computer eyes from too much exposure. I spent the morning at the library, locked in the microfiche room, trying to hack out a revision of my proposal. I got about halfway through and then panicked. And then got very hungry. So I ran home to make lots of lunch and cookies. I'm still torn about the edits. I just need to do them and stop tearing myself up with self-doubt. On the upside, I realized the other day that happiness is living next door to a gorgeous public library. Look here for more gorgeous libraries. (via Rag & Bone)

I came home to the best treat: a CD of over 100 Mexico photos from Rebecca!! Both of these are ones that she took. She did lots of photography and drawing and visual art before she went into dance and performance. Obviously, we talked about Eleanor Antin, but even w/o the boots reference, I love these images. [I had dried some paper on my boot, I think after she took this picture.] She cracks me up. And more good news: she'll be in NY in late Nov/early Dec! I'm SO happy about the lineup: Breda first, then Rebecca, and then Elizabeth! 2007 will go out w/a bang.

Look at that!

Guess who finally got her stuff together to photograph for ebay, even though she has no time to actually ebay anything until late October? I never thought it would happen after putting it off for so long. But it felt great to package everything carefully and store it so that my dead computer guts aren't laying all over the floor anymore. I love that I'm now motivated to do this, when I have no time to do it. All the photography happened while I reinstalled the OS on my new MacBook. I started at about 9:30am and at about 2:30pm, I think I can say that the worst is over. All my applications are back on, my data is back on, and now I just need to find a good firewire drive so I can clone this HD properly.

I still haven't touched my revisions. My dreams of a Wyoming utopia are quickly fading: I will have to bring my computer and work on my Fulbright app there. Oh well.

Slow starts

Images from the opening.

Oh, and more images from the opening.

And then there's me wondering if I'll ever commit to this revision. Revisions are SO HARD. It's like this monster in a cage, and I know that I eventually have to go inside the cage and deal with it, but instead I keep going somewhere else, occasionally walking past it, poking around a little, and then running away. I have been noting lately how incredible my mind is - it is capable of remarkable things. It's just harnessed poorly.

Sunday without the Open

Big thanks and hugs to everyone who made it to the opening! I was so nervous - ever since a live auction where no one bid on my work, I have been freaked out about how well my 2D and 3D work holds up in public. But I had lots of support from Gili, Joe, Steph and Saar and their friend who just moved to Brooklyn from Baltimore, and Paulette. The fried chicken, fried fish, smoothies, and macaroons with chocolate sauce also helped. The gallery was packed the whole time, but I played hooky in the middle. Gili and Joe helped me hike all the way to a sports bar b/c I wanted to catch some of the men's final. But alas, the stupid "sports" bar only had football on its bazillion screens. HELL-O, football season has only started! Who cares?? This is the LAST DAY of a Grand Slam event!!

We then hiked up to Prospect Park West to find another place, but it was too far so we had to rest before finding a subway. I rode back to the gallery, only to bump into friends in the street who couldn't find the place. Then Paulette called to tell me that I was giving out the wrong address. And then I had a really nice dinner w/Diana. We haven't been able to catch up since the Tides show in June, so it was a huge treat to see her. She got me really excited about reading and everything else. It was a nice day to see all people I love and celebrate my panties.

I'm still sad I didn't get to see any of the Federer/Djokovic match, but I guess life goes on. Since I only have five days until Wyoming.

Wanted: Artist studio space (x2)

I met Jill in Mexico, and she is looking for studio space ASAP so she can get to work on her remarkable vision. She worked incredibly hard in Mexico, taking risks every day. Inspiring. [Yes, those are cheese puffs. I helped w/this photo shoot on a horse path - she is covered in colored marshmallows and has a bleached bone on her head that she found while exploring.]

SEEKING ARTIST STUDIO:
I am a performance artist who works with movement, video, sculptural elements and other media and I am looking for a long term studio rental where I can work in these different media. I need a space that is sufficiently large to accommodate some movement work (minimum 350 square feet) with a non-cement floor. I prefer full walls instead of partitions, and I am interested in spaces with or without windows. A rough floor is fine. 24 hour access is ideal.

Price is a large consideration, but at this point I am still open to hearing about all possibilities. Please contact: Jill Sigman at thinkdance@attglobal.net

Also, last I heard, my photographer Stefan Hagen was looking for new studio space, as his current one will sadly be converted from artist studios into luxury condos. He needs space in Manhattan.

Tangents

I feel myself heading off, deep into denial and procrastination land now that I have less than a week until I fly out. I've been watching a lot of tennis. Almost cried when Venus lost and am now really sad: I have to miss the men's finals b/c of the show opening! What am I turning into??

Book of the weekend: Sandra Cisneros' The House on Mango Street
Video of the weekend: Margaret Cho's "I'm the One That I Want"

Paulette insists

that if I continue to torture myself by not sleeping enough (I am TRYING to nap but am obviously too anxious and allergy-ridden to do so), then I should at least blog. So this is from the summer of 2004, I think. Renegade Craft Fair Chicago, a good time to eat a lot of food.

Beatrice Coron, a fantastic papercutting artist who does lots and lots of public art, too (imagine paper cuts only life-size in steel) has new work on her website. She also makes amazing tea from plants she grows on her balcony in Manhattan.

Ragdale, an artist residency program I went to in March, just launched a new website. Fancy! Christina was there when I was a resident - great writer, hilarious and passionate.

Also, a blogger in England is weaving paper, which I always approve of. She put together a lovely mosaic of other weaves off of flickr (scroll all the way down). Guess which three are mine.

In hiding

I did too many intense things in three boroughs of NYC today in two different languages and had mild vertigo most of the time (but that quesadilla at La Flor was stupendous). So I went into hiding tonight and was thoroughly disappointed by Moya in the men's quarterfinals. But here's a SAVE THE DATE from a Chicago friend, Jill:

Look for handmade books and sweet embroidered things, along with the Postmodern Sideshow (screenprinted t-shirts, dress shirts, and magnets) and Five Trees (crocheted monsters and finger puppets) at the...

5th Annual Chicago Renegade Craft Fair
Sat - Sun Sept 15 - 16; 12pm - 10pm
Division b/t Damen & Wood
Booth 60, close to the corner of Winchester & Division.

The fair is happening simultaneously with the Do-Division Street Fest. The festival includes food and live music and runs on Division in between Wood St. and Ashland Ave.

Renegade was the fair that really broke me in when I was starting out. It's great fun and there is SO much to browse/buy. That was where I sold my "you have the magical vagina" letterpress prints on handmade kozo paper. My favorite customer was a mom who got it for her daughter. So, mark your calendars for next weekend in Chicago and eat a hot dog w/the works for me! I'll try to remember to show you photos of exactly that when I'm back at my home computer.

Now announcing...

1. This is the shortest notice I've ever given for a show (besides the time I filled in for a kissing booth performance on three hours notice). I'll be at the opening this Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn, and am proud to be showing with such an impressive group of artists. Ayanna posted a lovely blog announcement, too.**

2. Laurie was a student in the papermaking class I TA-ed last summer at Ox-Bow, and she has since quit her day job and gone into business doing what she loves! I'm really proud of her. Visit the studio if you are in the area (Kalamazoo, MI).

3. My three knit books are in Fiber + Book, a show of fiber artists who make books, opening September 15 in Amherst at the Fiber Art Center.

**Details for the NY show:

FORGIVE?
Contemplating the notion of forgiveness through depictions of ideas, moments and faith.
Curated by Laylah Amatullah Barrayn

Exhibition On View: September 9 - October 12, 2007
Opening Reception: Sunday, September 9, 2007, 3-6pm

Featuring the work of:
MALAIKA ADERO
MILES BUMBRAY
BARRON CLAIBORNE
DELPHINE FAWUNDU-BUFORD
FRANCES FAWUNDU
CACY FORGENIE
AIMEE LEE
DIANA MCCLURE
ALICE MIZRACHI
GABRIEL RUEDA PACHECO
MIRIAM ROMAIS
KEISHA SCARVILLE
JAMEL SHABAZZ
DANNY SIMMONS
JAVAKA STEPTOE

The Gallery at Harriet's Alter Ego
267 Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn, NY
(between St. Marks Pl. and Prospect Pl.)
(718) 783-2074
Gallery Hours: Tuesday - Sunday, 12 - 7pm

Directions:
Q, B to 7th Avenue
2, 3 to Bergen Street
B41 bus to Flatbush Avenue and St. Marks

Day off, kind of

Blech. I'm now worried that I have a chronic illness or am fighting a viral infection, since I have been uncharacteristically tired for over a week. I went to bed last night at 8pm and still got up almost 12 hours later feeling tired. I spent an hour at my hold high school talking to my old band teacher/tennis coach, and then mailed a thousand things at the post office. Then, I went to the library to get An Na's A Step from Heaven, and three movies. I figured they might help me at least just stay in one place, not moving much, to rest. I watched two silly ones after a talk w/a Fulbright reader (man, I have some serious edits to make). So silly I won't admit titles.

Computer update: my IT guy says I should reinstall my OS since I may have deleted system files that will cause it to panic and crash later. I don't want to do it. But probably will...later. My newest idea, which Gili supports, is to leave the computer behind when I go to WY. I can just bring an external HD in case, but leave the potential drama at home. Uploading photos as I go will be hard, but I think it's worth it.

Order, please

I finished doing a new backup after reconstructing data. I lost some photos from the last two weeks, but otherwise I think I've reversed most of the damage (except program files; I'm not quite sure what I may have lost in my library re: applications). I am very, very tired now. I told Ching-In that I feel like I just had a huge fight w/myself. She said that I likely did, since I probably beat myself up very badly last night. Yesterday, she threatened, "Aimee, do I have to get out the Woe Jar?" And I continued to shriek some more. I just wanted so badly for my life to be neat and orderly, even though I know better. I'm going to take a nap and then figure out the rest of my day. Thanks to everyone who told me to stay away from my computer last night; I ended up turning on the TV and drawing mindlessly. Maybe Ching-In is right: I just need a little break.

Check out Melissa's new work from the summer! I really love the statement, too.

Oh, NO. No, no, no!!

Oh, no. I know this sounds completely unbelievable, but I am a real piece of work, so believe it: I just almost deleted my entire new hard drive. In Secure Empty Trash mode. Don't get me wrong: I DID delete parts of it permanently, no doubt. But partway through, I suddenly realized I was wiping out my NEW HD rather than my OLD HD (I had it plugged in, hoping to wipe it out and then put my old iBook back together tonight). And then I immediately felt like I was going to vomit, and stopped it and dragged what was left out of the trash.

I can't handle myself. Why, why, why?? It's b/c I was overworking myself - I had just finished making five sets of press kits and writing all the letters and preparing the packages. Instead of taking a break, I dove right into the computer task. Argh.

I'm torn. Cindy and Ching-In say I should walk away from the computer until tomorrow. I contend that I can't sleep if I'm not sure of exactly what I've lost yet.

Feist is on, in my head

Kathy found old photos from 2004. I brought this costume home from Tam's basement and now it's in our basement! All in hopes of eventually showing it in Brazil.

Drying laminated sheets of handmade paper and kraft paper to use as a cover for a new sketchbook that will likely come with me to Wyoming.

Oh, look: there's the new sketchbook on the bottom of the pile. On top, 11 more books - all post-Chicago, made almost exclusively from performance residue.

The BEST part of the day: my hairpin finally arrived in the mail from the bed & breakfast upstate where I left it! I am SO happy to be reunited.