Ongoing exhaustion

I'm not quite sure why I have been so tired for the last few days, but I have been chasing it with lots of sessions in bed, to nap, to read, to lounge, to elevate the foot. I drew this after seeing a beautiful sake container that John and Kumi own, woven from paper and lacquered.

The chamber pot has almost made it to the bottom but then my hands got tired AND it was time to leave for my first acupuncture appointment (thanks to Jean for the reminder!) at a community acupuncture place that is VERY close to here. Good fortune! I started a new paper dress afterwards.

Kumi gave me calligraphy practice paper when I visited. Though I have no idea what it says, I hung it in the studio because it reminds me of good things: generosity, friendship, practice, language, family, friends, and movement.

I was wiped out after the needles but managed in the early evening to join Vagner for a couple openings on Canyon Road, and then dinner near the Plaza. I've been spending much too much on eating out (and food in general) but it's so hard not to; I enjoy this company so much. Today I'll work until I go for more needles, and then hopefully more galleries (if I have the energy!).

Feline

Marci says I'm like a cat with my naps and independence and need to have things that touch me to be just so. Today was a slow day. Sewing silk was such a treat after sewing paper but the scarf doesn't really work. Vagner said to live with it for a few months and then decide. I visited John and Kumi for lunch at their beautiful home and met their new puppy and it was all so wonderful that I was worn out for the rest of the day.

This was as far as I got last night. Didn't touch it today, or much else. Mostly I laid in bed in the afternoon, icing my foot, napping, reading Joe's book of poetry that was so much more touching because I knew him and Cheryl. No links b/c I am tired but let's hope that means a good night a sleep and a very good day tomorrow in the studio.

p.s. - I lied. One link, to a review of a show I am in. The last bit of the article talks about my woven pieces. Sweet.

Spa day

[Coming back home after dinner.] Even before arriving in Santa Fe, I was told to visit Ten Thousand Waves. Our first crew last month never made it, but thank goodness Vagner made it happen today. He and Marisa and Rita and I left the compound at 1pm for a wonderful, relaxing day. It was such a treat to lay around naked in a hot tub or a sauna or on a lounge chair or wherever. I read some of Rita's novel and even fell asleep in the relaxation room while listening to sounds of birds chirping, water falling, rain, and thunderstorms through headphones. Marisa shared snacks and I indulged in some mochi and only left the hot tub area to eat and explore and pee (we drank a lot of water to stay hydrated). Afterwards, I was in no mood to cook dinner so Vagner and I indulged even more and visited one of my favorite local places to eat, meeting a couple from Asheville at the communal table. When we got back, I finished sewing up my silk remnant scarf (too long and doesn't drape right but I will deal with that later), and was about to blog and then pack up for the night when Katherine called. We hadn't caught up since she graduated from Harvard w/her PhD, so I was happy to hear from her and wove while talking. I'm close to the bottom of my chamber pot, and way past bedtime!

La la la day

I feel horribly restless with my bum foot. It's healing, albeit slowly, but I still can't get around at the speed and comfort that allows me to go to the music building or library or gym. So today I drove to the library again to xerox diagrams for my book, and then tried to freehand a dress out of paper I had joomchi-ed. It was very clear from the start that that tactic would not work, so I went off to browse patterns at a really lovely local fabric store.

So lovely, in fact, that of course I could NOT come away without scraps of dupioni silk.

I thought my galavanting for day was over, but then I got an email from my old cranio-sacral therapist, who recommended Traumeel for my foot. That gave me yet another excuse to take the car for a spin. This time I took Vagner, and after we tried out all the creams at Whole Foods, we visited the co-op just to take a peek, and ended with iced tea and coffee at the cafe next door.

I figured that after screwing around all day, I HAD to get this paper dress done today. Thank goodness the woman at the fabric store found me a super simple pattern. This isn't meant to be worn (and I can't fit into it; too small in the hips, plus paper has no give so the hand-sewn seams would burst). It's just a canvas for more paper goodies.

Though of course I will be reluctant to see my vision through because it is so satisfying like this! But there's more paper where that came from, so I can always make more.

Overcompensation

My back is killing me because of the added stress on my right side. It's amazing how quickly that happens. I feel like I've worked a lot today and yet it doesn't seem like there is much to show. Though my mood is much better. I went to a nice cafe today to chill out after feeling slighted and then came back much more energized. Things are shifting.

Writing from wings

[From Venus' transit across the sun. The tiny speck that we saw in the courtyard last week.] I kept meaning to share one of my favorite things from the illuminated Bible show at the NM History Museum:

All the script was written using quill pens hand-cut by the scribes. Only the largest flight feathers were used: goose quills for the main body of text, turkey and swan quills for heavier letterforms. Right-handed scribes prefer to use feathers from the left wing of the bird, while left-handed scribes prefer feathers from the right wing. When used on vellum, the quill responds to the hand and allows the ink to flow freely, yet produces fine hairlines at the end of strokes.

A real Sunday

This morning, I let myself stay in bed until I finished reading Rita's book, taking a nap around 8:30 or 9am. Very luxurious. My foot swelling is finally starting to reverse itself and I am delighted to see more of the bone structure in my foot while grateful for the healing process. Lots of weaving, listening to podcasts, watching a fashion documentary, and so on. Vagner took me to get groceries before dinner and I finally cooked a good hot meal of soup and noodles. I even played a tiny bit of violin because I missed it. Funny, last night a resident pointed out that my major foot injuries, over 16 years apart, happened in relation to that instrument.

Close calls

I got to bed at a decent hour and slept a decent amount. I didn't really believe in the C part of RICE (compression), but as a test, I wrapped my foot with an elastic sleeve made to block the sun (I didn't have an ace bandage). When I woke up and unwrapped it, I realized that it DOES work, since the part of my foot that wasn't wrapped (my toes) had started to go purple. It still hurts plenty but I was determined to get into the studio, so I packed a bag that would get me from my room to the kitchen (for breakfast), library (to return Rita's book), and my studio. It feels SO good to be back.

I got right to work cutting down and cording some Cleveland hanji so that I could rig Vagner's new hat. The knot can be shifted up and down. I did this because he told me that his hat was 100% paper, so I said the rest of it has to be paper, too. The rest of my workday was pretty low key, a tiny bit of weaving and then drawing a new diagram for my book.

Sweet! He took good care of me today even though I am upright again. The gratitude is immense, for everything that IS working with my body, including the healing process of the foot (and the more gross process of my palms). I am now using heat packs, though I alternate with ice because I am an ice junkie. I found a styrofoam steak container that I put in the large sink in my studio that had been covered up, and jumped up onto the counter to soak my foot and rehab it. But I was an idiot in the dismount and narrowly missed a very bad fall (luckily, I landed on my good foot, though my heart was in my throat by then). I need to be more careful. Just two more hours until a pig roast tonight!

A total trip

I was unaware this morning that this would be one of two baby mammals I'd see today. This is shot from inside my studio. I woke up exhausted but went to practice and hit the gym, where my head touched the sadness in my heart for the first honest moment while doing yoga. It's nothing big; I just miss my friends from last month and felt tired by my rambling life where my friends are most often not in physical proximity to me.

After getting the evil stink eye from a resident that I do not jive with, I went to the office for a chocolate fix and had a talk with staff about some of the work in my studio. An artist had just come by for a tour since he will be in residence in August through a special program, and it turned out that he was also a papermaker and had trained in Madison! It's always a treat to meet other paper people. Anyhow, the talk motivated me to jump into a couple of pieces in the studio quickly, since I knew I only had a little over an hour to work before I had to prep for a big journey.

The big plan was to visit Ghost Ranch, where Ching-In was doing a poetry workshop. I had wanted to visit Ghost Ranch regardless, but this was the best motivation and excellent timing, especially when feeling sad about being far away from close friends. Vagner was so kind as to join me for the adventure, and it was Quite An Adventure. It started with a stop for road trip snacks and a bathroom break for me about two miles in (I didn't realize that he didn't get a potty break and this became stressful for me later on the trip). Then, we went in the wrong direction for a while instead of turning a few feet away from the stop.

So, we're on the road, and it seems okay, though I was feeling dubious about the signs I kept seeing for some route 68 or some number that was not the number of the route I thought we were supposed to be on. But it was pretty, hella pretty, so we kept winding along. Eventually a magnificent vista opened up and we pulled over to shoot some photos.

There, we met this boy, who had just been adopted by a woman from Brooklyn who drove to AZ to pick him up and scatter the ashes of her dog that had just died. His bigger canine companion was a big black long-haired something or other. This pup is a Bernese Mt. dog crossed with a Corgi.

But as we drove on and on and on, I saw all these signs for Taos. And then I was like, OMG we are 4 miles away from TAOS. That was not our destination at all. Vagner's phone battery was low but it told us we had indeed lost our way. Unlike the first misstep, this one was not just a few miles off. It was a LOT off. We were definitely going to be late. After backtracking for 30 miles or so, I saw a tiny sign for Abiquiu and swerved right, desperate to start heading in the right direction. Vagner's GPS seemed to agree, we found the right numbered route, and then pulled over at a gas station so he could finally pee. I saw him signal something to me as I was waiting in the car, but I didn't know why until I got out and saw a staffer's girlfriend! She had just swam at Lake Abiquiu. Vagner got us popsicles and we hit the road again for the final stretch. What an insane stretch. The lake was gorgeous but the rest of it was completely miraculous. No words! Stereotypical What I Expected In New Mexico But Had Not Yet Seen And Still So Wonderful That We Kept Exclaiming At Each Turn kind of stuff. I have no pictures; Vagner does. It's also the kind of thing I would never be able to capture with a camera.

I pulled into the dirt road signed Ghost Ranch, but Vagner's GPS said we had turned off too early, so I turned around and we found that his GPS was wrong. But it didn't matter because we were so close! Somehow, we finally found Ching-In at the tail end of a craft talk and then had dinner together, walked around, and had a grand old time hanging out. We saw lots of rows of ants on a bit of trail, Ching-In bust her toe on a rock and it was bleeding, and the tiramisu was very sweet (that's all reverse chronology). When we were first looking for her, I passed a woman on the phone who looked Very Familiar, though I couldn't pin the connection. At dinner, Ching-In introduced her and she said the same thing about me and then we realized that it was a Mills connection! She worked for Julie Chen, I shared an office with Julie, and we met at Julie's party way back last year. I wished I could have stayed longer, but we wanted to hit the road before it got too dark. Then, about 17 or 24 miles away from Santa Fe (I can't remember anymore), we got lost again. It was scary this time, and dark, but luckily my phone's GPS got us back on track. The whole trip, Vagner had to help me start the car because he knows Hondas way better than me. He is a rockin' travel companion and I am so grateful for the whole journey. Also, I don't feel sad anymore.

Museums with artists

After the usual rise and shine, piano and violin, gym and shower, the visual artists left campus for breakfast at La Fonda and a little museum outing. I had hoped to visit more than the rest so I scampered off after eating only to find one museum closed. Luckily, the O'Keeffe was open. Her early watercolors were my favorite, hands down. Then I ran to the New Mexico Museum of Art, which has a sweet courtyard.

I ended up meeting Cobi, Ellen, and Vagner there, so we finished the sweep together.

They are all excellent models. The Santa Fe museums are pretty lax with allowing photography and liquids. I like that better than being reprimanded at the O'Keeffe for how I was carrying things.

We also went to the Palace of the Governors and stopped by the print shop, but Tom Leech was out to lunch so we weren't able to say hello.

Roses everywhere are blooming. On campus, too. When I don't bike to practice, I like to stop and smell the flowers.

Then we walked over to the New Mexico History Museum, which has this crazy wide layout. But I finally found the show I was looking for: Illuminating the Word: The Saint John’s Bible. It is crazy gorgeous. It would be nice to visit again and the center of the gallery is a meditation space (which is nice except for the very loud noise of vents).

This was a wall piece that we all inspected carefully. Shadow profiles, all different.

And then we drove home! Well, Ellen actually drove us back in her Prius, but this was a side trip. Now that I'm up from my nap and energized from the external stimulation (getting out, seeing stuff, hanging out with funny artists), I think I'm ready to tackle some weaving.

Sweet surprise

Before I forget: I have a couple of hanji teacups in this show opening near Detroit this Friday. Jacklyn invited me to participate, which was a treat b/c she wanted my woven hanji things. If I hadn't been SO crazed in that time slot, I would have sent more artwork. But these will suffice. This morning, after a late salon last night (you know how people start drinking and loosening up and then suddenly 5-7 min presentations turn into 20 min ones?), I got up to start the week. Went to the music building to practice violin AND piano, which made me grateful to my parents for providing me so many ways of expressing myself. I am fortunate to be able to play musical instruments, draw, write, speak (in more than one language), and so on. So the idea of the short playing sessions each morning being like prayer is apt. I thought last night about seventh grade, when I was taught how to pray in CCD. I completely forget the steps (there was a mnemonic device that fails me now) but they were straightforward. Even though I was a half-hearted Catholic, I prayed. It involved assessing the day to pick out the good things and to apologize for the bad, being grateful for the good, and asking for help with challenges. In talking yesterday to Marci, I realized that maybe this residency is not at all about making a wonderful new body of work. I am meeting some very old challenges and this place is a lab where maybe I can come up with new ways of reacting, new ways of being in the world that are less self-destructive.

After practicing, I went with Vagner to the gym and then came back to submit an application, shower and make lunch, run to the post office, and get groceries. The skies had turned ominous and when I got back, I felt super sleepy and then was surprised to already be rejected. I guess it's good to know sooner than later, but a turnaround of a few hours? That doesn't feel good. I tried to nap twice, once on a table in my studio and once in bed, but gave up and went to look for mail. Vagner saw me and said I had a package. I figured it was headphones I had ordered, but no--it was something huge from Oberlin. I almost cried when I opened it.

My students from the Oberlin papermaking workshop I taught in April had made a big thank you on a sheet of paper someone had made in class! The comments were so thoughtful and kind, and it seemed like they really had gotten what I wanted them to get out of the class. This drawing especially touched me. TOO SWEET!

 It erased all of my afternoon haze and crankiness from immediate rejection. So I got back to my comic subscription and finally made a new choose your own adventure one. Of course, it's all about the drama I have been battling (mostly in my head). So that is done, and feels good. The only thing left on my to do list is to weave the chamber pot. I have another big app to do but I'll wait until later. It's not urgent. Not as urgent as re-reading multicolored thanks penned by fifteen hands.

After one too many donuts

This is how far the pot has gotten. It will be interesting to see how the rest comes down since I am using thicker weavers on the outside layer than the inside layer. It won't look as refined but I know this batch of cords was more consistent and comes from the same fiber. The whole inside took up the last of the cords I had made in 2010 in Belfast. The outside will be from cords I made here. I had a big talk yesterday with Agnès about the pain. She said I have to stop, and that I don't have to answer to my teacher in Korea anymore. I said I wanted to know if I could do this by myself, and though it has indeed been bad for my body, it has been good for my self-confidence. At some point, with almost everything I have done and loved to do, I had to decide if I was going to continue. Isn't everything in life like that anyway? Being on the computer will probably wreck my body as much as any other practice that I have.

[A studio snapshot. I realized that Melissa's test piece would do best hanging out with my blue piece so they are having a conversation right now. Hers is the narrow one below the green blobs. Check out her website for more!!] I like all the new residents and we had our orientation today over donuts. It's a super diverse group in terms of the kind of work we do and I'm excited for the month ahead.

This is also one of Melissa's gifts to me, her rain paper (flax/abaca). I'm pondering what comes next. I am taking a break today from weaving though I did still practice some violin this morning. It's hard to know that the things I love to do are hard on my body but I don't know what the answer is. For now, I just rotate everything so I don't do any one thing too much. I wrote about this in my book, about how our bodies adjust and change based on the things we repeat, and also about how difficult it is to take up a new craft or technique later in life ("later" meaning after adolescence). Since I have no answers and I'm in a bit of a sugar coma, I'm going to lay down for a bit before we go out to visit galleries this afternoon.

This way or that

Here is Marci's painting hanging in the lobby. Recognize the green? I'm glad that little piece of her is here but I am greedy and would like all of her to still be here. I've met the two new visual artists who arrived today and there is still a writer to arrive tonight, maybe another soon.

I had a very short violin session in the morning and realize I think of it now like morning prayer. Except it was very painful in my back today b/c of the dang chamber pot, so I had to stop early. To do what? Of course, get back to the pot. I realized WAY too late in the first wall that I did the subtraction of spokes wrong--I needed to clip them before I twined past them but forgot because it has been so long. So the hope is that I dye it some dark color and it becomes hard to see those mistakes.

But I finally got to the top rim and then started to turn it back around after twining a round. I think it will be smaller than my first pot and squatter. Regardless of the mistakes, it has already been a very good lesson.

I just wish it didn't hurt my body so much.

I wanted to keep going and going and going but I need to pay heed to the pain signals so there is a sweet potato in the oven and maybe I'll get myself onto the bike this evening for a quick circle around campus for some air.