Negligence! No, paranoia.

Somehow, I felt like I hadn't blogged in a long time. But I only missed a day. Which is good; my new mission for my life is to calm down. Impossible, you'd think, I'd think, for me! But after evaluating my health and well-being in Wyoming, where my biggest scheduling stress was when and where I would walk (the road? or the hills?), and comparing it to my state of being everywhere else, I realize that overscheduling is not doing me any favors. It exhausts me and makes casualities of everyone else around me. In the obsessive quest to create really long TO DO lists and then cross everything off the list in record time, I've sacrificed a whole lot of the good life.

This is the view from the grave of my very good friend who died of leukemia in 2003. I had never visited it before, and my trip to Cali was spurred by the sudden desire to visit. It was pretty uneventful on the outside, except that the weather shifted suddenly and was rainy, windy, and cloudy, to the shock of my Californian host. But big things shifted inside, and I realized that

1. dead people's bodies don't go anywhere if they're buried in the ground
2. your life goes on even if someone you really love is buried in the ground
3. I don't have to live in California! [This is huge, for anyone who knows of my long-standing desire to live there.]
4. if I don't have to live in California, then I can be HERE, NOW! Hey, what a concept! I can just be happy with where I am now and not freak out about not being somewhere else!

and so on. I am happily shedding all the useless things, people, ideas, and dreams that I have been holding onto for a loooong time. I don't want anything that doesn't serve me anymore. What I do want: to read this, prep a really good class for Oberlin, and renew my commitment to a daily meditation and yoga practice. That's the short list. Wait, no more lists! Haha. Clearly, I'll need to recruit more help on this road.

Caving in

I'm back in New York and utterly overwhelmed. I am so confused by the flood of mail that was waiting for me (all these slides and I don't know where they're all from). I've logged all my receipts but can't reconcile my bank statements b/c the site is being overhauled. I'm unpacked and have piles like, "take to next residency," "hide for a while," "take to Oberlin in two weeks as teaching samples," and so on. I am really tired of flying, but leave in two weeks to teach a book workshop and give a lecture at my favorite alma mater, Oberlin College. On one of those propeller jets, too.

I'm going to put that out of my mind for now as I stare at the piles. This is an image from Chela's studio, and even though it was Thursday, it feels like forever ago now that I'm back home. It's so tricky, this time, b/c I feel all the things I've learned and the subtle shifts that have happened from all the traveling. But that time goes up in smoke so quickly! But for now, I'm back in the same place, but at a different point in the spiral. I'm thankful for everything, mostly the over-the-top amazing friends that I have, like Anju, who saved my ass in a major logistical glitch at the end of my trip.

I have black ink all over my hands (it exploded in my blender; no surprise. I should have just left the ink in Wyoming) and realize I didn't avoid re-entry by going to California; I just delayed it! Tomorrow will be a huge work day, but how excited am I about tonight: sleeping in my own bed after five weeks! Yeeehaw!!

Not quite over, but over

I'm totally thrown off by Joana leaving a day early (tomorrow) and everyone else being all packed up (or so it seems). I've tried to pack my studio bag, and had a hard time figuring out why it was so easy for me to shove the blender in the bag on the way here. It was really hard this time. This is the comic I drew today to leave for future residents.

Chris, Joana, Marianne, and I all took a great hike up to the highest peak that is closest to the property. The view was stunning. And hilarious, b/c a herd of cows was grazing in our front "lawn" (like vast expanses of grassland). On our way to town today, we saw real cowboys!!! At least four of them, and at least two herding dogs, and one guy was even swinging a lasso in the air! What they were doing was very sad, separating the calves from their mothers. But then again, the bumper sticker I saw in town before I pigged out on an amazing Mexican lunch was also depressing: "vote Republican." Ew.

Back to packing!

Show and tell

Today we had open studios, and visited each of the six studios to hear about work and see what we've done in our almost month here. It was great to see everyone's spaces and progress, and share my own things. Jami sent a beautiful package today, which made me happy, and then I ate three lunches and passed out in my studio. After a walk with Joana, I overate at dinner and now am trying to sort myself out in the studio. What to leave? What to mail? What to donate back to the thrift store? Should I pack now? Later? The yoga mat is in the washing machine!

These are tags from Marianne's studio. I love her little notes, and her paintings.

This is it

This is our last week! It passed too quickly. These are the vend ready pieces I made this weekend for Art-o-mat.

Snow in the far mountains melted today since it warmed up. I took an hour-long walk at high noon with Chris, and then an almost two-hour hike up to 1,000 Acres with Joana close to sundown. I tried running up a hill and then almost fell over trying to catch my breath.

I'll miss crunching around everywhere. And seeing pregnant cows, deers with white tails that look like huge waving flags, and rabbits.

But it's not over yet! This is one of my gazillion sample books. I'm paper sample book queen. I like doing the small ones that look like books but have no pages. I'm just trying to stay happy my last week, not beat up on myself for how much/little work I've done, and get my business into order as best I can before flying off to California (Ellen says we can go to Santa Cruz when I get there! Wohoo!).

One degree of separation

Wow. I've just returned from "Jentel Presents," a monthly event in Sheridan, where Jentel showcases its current resident artists. Before we started, the executive director came up to me (I was in my customary position at the food table) and asked, "Aimee, do you like surprises?" I turned and saw...my seventh grade English teacher and his wife!!! I almost fell over. During my talk, I felt like I was going through puberty all over again. It was completely surreal. I haven't seen him in probably 15 years. They both look wonderful, like they haven't aged. She saw my name in the local paper, and emailed Jentel and asked if there would be a piano for me to play - her daughter took piano lessons from our teacher. The office decided to keep it a secret.

Afterwards, we all went out to dinner, and I was able to catch up more. I was so touched b/c he said I was a really good writer, and that I should put my writing on my website as well as my artwork (the prime example being the sestina I had in my slide show). He was impressed with everything I've been up to, and said my work was really unique. I told him that the Pulp Function show (where my brick wall is) is traveling eventually to Casper, WY! He grew up in Wyoming, and ended up east for grad school, and then landed in my hometown. She grew up in Sheridan, and they spend summer months here now that they are both retired from teaching.

I remember his classroom, how Farewell to Manzanar was bound, his handwriting, and learning grammar. This last thing is something I've been thinking about for years, since grad school. When I found out that most Americans don't learn or value grammar, I felt grateful that I didn't miss out.

Imagine being at the Pony in north central Wyoming, having a beer and bacon cheeseburger, flanked by a middle school teacher and his wife!! At the end of dinner, we talked about the talks in North Korea, and about how my great uncle Kim Dae-jung, the past South Korean president, was committed to reunification. Then I gifted them with the paper sample book I had brought to the presentation, and watched them drive away in their car with New York plates.

That makes up for all the cattail I lost by inadvertently unplugging my sink vat and having it all pour out on the floor. I also came back to the news that my artwork has been accepted for Art-o-mat! Yay.

Current inspiration

From Federico Fellini's "La Dolce Vita;" costume design by Piero Gherardi. Still recovering from a bumpy bike ride with Chris. We walked towards the storm and rain clouds, and biked back, saying hello to the cows and horses. Joy arrives tomorrow!

All ends are burning

I finally caught on fire today. This was my brilliant idea of pressing long sheets. They slid to the bottom when I was setting up the tripod. But they survived.

I carved these out of potatoes. Good god, did I do that TODAY?? See? I can't even remember doing it today but I'm pretty sure I did. If I think really hard...I've lost all sense of time. It's a temporary alphabet for a very specific text. You'll see the answers tomorrow.

Jacklyn's snake got a hat courtesy of Chris. Isn't it swell? I did crazy amounts of potato stamping after making paper. Which I did after going to town. Where I got a few more things to start my fast this weekend.

I had to run after flyaway paper today. Belinda watched as I ran across the lot whenever I saw something that looked like paper in the distance. Tonight, I made keepsakes: a set of paper samples, personalized with names and icons I made for each resident. I'll give them out next week when we do a presentation to the community in downtown Sheridan. Props to Jami for telling me last year that giving has a lot to do with my artwork and process. I still don't get it, but whatever works, right?

And, Terttu posted one of the portraits she took of me and little sis!

My favorite recipe in the Jentel cookbook

[I am here until October 12 at Jentel Artist Residency Program, 132 Lower Piney Creek Road, Banner, WY 82832, USA.]

No rest for the papermaker

Yesterday was our weekly trip to town for groceries and other tasks. I barely made it back in one piece from dehydration, lack of sleep, and sun. Lynn took us back on the scenic route so that we could see the town of Wyarno, which has two houses, a bar, and a post office. It looked like a few houses on the side of the road. Apparently it had been for sale for a little over a million. We also saw Ucross and lots of stunning topography. I kept wondering what it was like way back when this entire area was underwater. Then I did no studio work whatsoever except my daily mail art. I tried to strip the sagebrush stalks but after losing a few layers of skin on my fingers, I gave up and just cooked it.

I had to stay up late to cook, and couldn't be away from the pot for very long. Once I was tired of that, I went upstairs to watch "Rebecca" with Joanna and Chris, which was a riot. Today, I tried cooking the sagebrush leaves but the smell was getting to Marianne, so I took it outside on the grill, which has a separate burner. Go, propane tank! It was pretty exciting to do all that stuff outside. It's more fun that way (and protects residents from noxious fumes).

The trip threw off my momentum and I've just been laying around reading a lot. I stayed at the house in the morning to do laundry, fiber rinsing & cooking, yoga, and realizing that I've been eating vanilla yogurt (I thought it was too sweet to be plain!). I got back into the studio today to make the leaf paper. I keep forgetting to plug another show I'm in that opened last Saturday in Amherst: I have three knit books in the Fiber + Book exhibit at the Fiber Art Center. I hear that it looks great!

My first harvest in Wyoming

I harvested some sagebrush today! Chris and I hiked into the 1,000 Acres this afternoon and I clipped along the way. It's stunning, and I was grateful for her company. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten very far from fear. We talked a lot about the possible rattlesnakes that would strike and how we would do the sidestep dance to save ourselves. I'm modeling the glamorous orange vests we have to wear when we go out so that people can see us. We met some cows but they weren't interested in us. And that's a Jentel hat.

The studio smells amazing right now. I don't want to leave just to stay in the aroma. I stripped all the leaves off of the stalks and have to steam and strip the bast fiber next. I was afraid that there wouldn't be enough for me to harvest, but once we got well into the hills, there was SO MUCH out there. We also saw a big patch of cattails next to the first hill. I'm sorry I didn't bring my boots, but I definitely want to harvest some of that, too. I had just told Chris about how cattails had been in my path since Mexico, and then she pointed and said, "what's that??" Jackpot.

Thank goodness Chris is also well-versed in papermaking, and from plants. That helps a lot. I think I'll make one more batch of paper tonight to round out the one I made this morning. I did some ink drawings today and started to make postcards, which I taped up. I've sent something out now every day and hope to continue. But trying not to overwhelm myself with mail art this time around. In general, I'm taking it easy.

p.s. - here is a short video of the creek.

Courtesy of Rebecca: more botas!

[These are Jill's boots. I don't know how they survived all the rain and river and mud and so on. They are like her, seriously hardy.] I'm too far gone to do my own images so Rebecca's will ride me through until I get on the road. I am sitting in a food coma right now after a really good dinner at Angelica Kitchen w/Gili and Pauly. Oh, my. No blood is running to my brain after so much food. I am so happy they have that tangy basil dressing on the menu now. Yum. But it's quite hard to do anything except lay down or roll around in this state.

[These are Gaelyn's boots. She was in my dreams last week and was our resident anthropologist.] I tried really hard to do Fulbright essay revisions today at a coffeeshop, but all I could do was fall asleep on my computer. So I gave up and instead ran errands. And I spent a looong time looking for all my toiletries for my trip. Somehow, I thought that all I had to get was lip balm. But then I remembered about shampoo, and toothpaste, and other fun things like Emergen-C (so much more pleasant to drink vitamin C rather than take the capsules). I wanted to get a million more things, but had to restrain myself. If I can, I might try to get a stainless steel pot and meat tenderizers tomorrow, but that is not as glamorous or fun. Though it IS for papermaking, which can be fun.

[This is my favorite image: the roof tiles.] Gili told me that Duane Reade carries the goat milk lotion that I like best, so we searched two but they only carry the gross scented version. So I'll have to order the unscented kind and have it sent to the residency. Tomorrow I pick up stamps so I can mail lovely things to my lovelies. And if you want to mail anything fun to me, I will be here from Sept 15 to October 12:

Jentel Artist Residency Program
132 Lower Piney Creek Road
Banner, WY 82832
USA

The goals for my last day: stop thinking/stressing/spinning over Fulbright entirely b/c clearly I need some time away from it. I'm choking under my own pressure. And pack generously! So that I have everything I need to stay warm.

Scraps of things

Tonight was the NY premiere of "No End In Sight." Pretty intense, totally proud of little sis. It has been getting a landslide of fantastic reviews. Go whenever/wherever you can so that it can eventually get wider distribution!

What I miss: cantaloupe, lime, hibiscus, and tamarind juices. Markus and I had lunch at Caravan of Dreams today so that he could sample raw food. I haven't been in years. After tea w/Tami, I went to see Gili. I felt like I haven't seen her forever, like we've been through major life changes.

What I miss: one late morning after papermaking, I laid up on the balcony and wove a five-strand gold cord off of my toe. I almost fell asleep doing it. Keeping my hands busy calms my mind. I eventually climbed down and went to lunch.

I picked up this book at the library today, b/c people at Ragdale had been talking about how great it is and how the movie is completely different. I'm having a hard time getting into it, but loved where I stopped before I got off the train:

But here there were shedding skins. They could imitate nothing but what they were. There was no defence but to look for the truth in others.

--Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient