For being such a princess, I need to be more like Cinderella. I fell into a black sleep on the train home tonight after 1. seeing LMCC open studios and talking to Yoko Inoue, an artist we funded when I was at NYFA; 2. costume options w/Diana for Tides; 3. a cranky walk (me cranking about my ankle) w/Gili to see E&D for dinner; and 4. more fittings for clothes from E's amazing, neverending closet. Gili and I found out that we wore the same dress for junior prom. This morning, I got a sweet package from Japan with jewelry from Yoko. So I dressed all girly and pink to match.
Oh, this is fun: I found out that a blogger I don't know listed me as a Friday artist on her blog for a couple Fridays back! Check it out. I'm in the beginning of some serious shifts in my reading habits: I'm trying to catch up on work by Korean Americans. Gili gave me Marie Lee's Someone's Daughter. Thank god it's a paperback.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Goofing off

Friday, April 27, 2007
My marketing department slacked

Language survey
This is a squirmy topic for me, as I am still trying to figure out what exactly I want to learn from delving into issues of difference, entitlement, access, culture, and communication as they relate to language. I appreciate all of your time and energy in participating in this survey; answers can be as short or as long as you like (I love related stories). You can either post your answers on the blog or email them to me: contact@aimeelee.net. I will give you due credit once the piece that evolves from this research reaches its final form.
1. What was your first language? What is your most fluent language now?
2. Growing up, what language(s) did you hear regularly?
3. Do you speak the same language(s) as your family?
4. Do you speak other languages? If so, which ones? When and why did you learn them?
5. Have you traveled alone to places where you did not speak the language? What was that experience like?
6. Have you traveled to places where you did not speak the language, but were accompanied by someone who did? What was that experience like?
7. Have you ever had to translate for someone else? What was that experience like?
8. How do you feel when you are in a situation with someone who does not share a language with you? What do you do to communicate?
9. Have you ever developed a language (written or spoken) with someone, whether as a child or in adulthood?
10. Have you ever been forced to learn a language? How did that go?
11. Do people ever assume that you can/cannot speak a particular language based on the way that you look?
12. How do you feel when speaking a language other than the dominant language of a particular place in public?
13. How much of your identity is caught up in the language(s) you use?
14. Are you a musician in any capacity?
1. What was your first language? What is your most fluent language now?
2. Growing up, what language(s) did you hear regularly?
3. Do you speak the same language(s) as your family?
4. Do you speak other languages? If so, which ones? When and why did you learn them?
5. Have you traveled alone to places where you did not speak the language? What was that experience like?
6. Have you traveled to places where you did not speak the language, but were accompanied by someone who did? What was that experience like?
7. Have you ever had to translate for someone else? What was that experience like?
8. How do you feel when you are in a situation with someone who does not share a language with you? What do you do to communicate?
9. Have you ever developed a language (written or spoken) with someone, whether as a child or in adulthood?
10. Have you ever been forced to learn a language? How did that go?
11. Do people ever assume that you can/cannot speak a particular language based on the way that you look?
12. How do you feel when speaking a language other than the dominant language of a particular place in public?
13. How much of your identity is caught up in the language(s) you use?
14. Are you a musician in any capacity?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I'm scared

Yesterday in yoga, I felt like the answer to "where is your spirit?" (after Ana said that it might not actually be inside our bodies) was: right in front of my face. I talked to Ellie last night about this, and about my fear of how that affects both my vision (I'm incredibly nearsighted) and my artistic vision. The fear being that if I actually was able to get my spirit back inside of me, that I would no longer be able to see in the way I am accustomed. Which probably wouldn't be a bad thing, but change is always drama for me. And I just want more and more to hide in the cave of my comfort zone.
I'm going to Mexico. I'm still too frightened to actually buy the plane ticket, but I will likely do so tomorrow, and then apply for the grant money for travel funds from an outside source. I'm suddenly learning all these things about Korea and other people's work, and feel like the world is getting bigger and bigger. So I feel smaller and smaller. This dry spell scares me. I have so much work to do, every day, and I work every day, but I feel like I'm skillfully avoiding what I really have to do. Every day.
A curse to have an interesting life

Then, I panicked about Mexico: I pretty much said I would go to the organizer, but then was just told that it's really dangerous, and when I looked up the state I'll be in, it's the state w/the highest murder rate in the entire country. So now I'm all freaked out. In the meantime, I'm listening to a podcast by Jonathan Bowra to sedate myself. The title of this post comes from something he said was a Chinese proverb. I have had similar ADHD today to Ching-In. I haven't been able to follow through on any tasks. Still no flights to Wyoming, or Mexico, no trip planning confirmed for Boston, no further emails to people in Korea, no library visit, no artwork. Instead, I've gotten halfway on everything and baked ANOTHER batch of cookies. I'm losing my mind. The rain doesn't help. I did finish Jane Smiley's The Age of Grief. So a book and batch of cookies: that is what I have completed today.
Just before I lose my arm strength

I also was reminded of a few things:
1. No need to do such an intense practice (I was spent the rest of the day and will hurt for a few more. Have iced the ankle that I strained. Got some tips on how to use muscles to wrap the sciatic nerve to protect it), which is why I love the new Reebok ad campaign. I think committing to my self practice is the best thing I can do for myself, b/c I know exactly what I need and won't hurt myself doing things b/c someone is pushing me w/o knowing my injuries/limitations. This is why I switched from Forrest to Tantric Hatha.
2. I am so much stronger than I think. I love being Asian for the flexibility, but I love being me for the upper body strength.
3. Wait, maybe that was it. I'm going to merge this list w/other good things of the day:
4. Good talk w/a former Fulbright-er. I got TONS of advice about how to start dealing w/my idea and have crazy amounts of research to pounce upon.
5. Great arugula goat cheese not enough endive salad at Spring Street Natural w/Gi & Alyssa.
6. Nap.
7. Seeing Robbin's show at the Brooklyn Central Library (Grand Army Plaza) and meeting two other artists at the opening.
I would say more, but my poor computer is overheating.
Monday, April 23, 2007
60 years old





Then I said, "oh, SHIT!" and ran back onto the train, grabbed my violin from the overhead rack, and ran off. I wouldn't have cared if the train doors closed and I ended up at the next station. The important thing was that it was in my hands. Age, memory, out of sight/mind, it's all catching up to me. Still catching up on arts admin for myself and doing more bday things today for dad. Cookies for mom, so she doesn't feel left out.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Smashing everything together

Last night, into today (until about 2:30am), I watched the entire first season of "Weeds." And I didn't even do it on purpose for today, 4/20 (the day that the most beautiful woman in the world got married).
I was thinking today about some of the women who keep me afloat. More than that, but just recently, the ones who keep me inspired and support me in really difficult times, and have unshakable faith in the importance of art, my work, and me. Here are four, in no particular order:
Susan Deer Cloud: a poet I met years ago while working for NYFA. I hired her as a poetry panelist and have stayed in touch ever since. She sends me incredible words at just the right times, when I'm falling off of the tightrope.
Ching-In: a poet I met in January in Vermont. Meeting her makes all the drama and trauma of that horrid residency worth it - she is so generous and has so much energy that I wonder how it can all flow out of one person. She challenges me, makes me look up words, helps me learn, supports my growth, and shares things that need to be shared, like this.
Terttu: a brilliant photographer I met in Chicago a couple years back when I was binding a book and she was cutting paper. I marvel at her wisdom, bravery, joy, and cooking skills. I used to think that I could never befriend a junior, but even though she's chronologically 6.5 years younger, she's way further along than I am. I love that I can feel simultaneously like we're two babies in a playpen or two crones in rocking chairs: always laughing, always ready for the next adventure.
Gili: a writer I met online who turned out to have she same alma mater and friend in common. She never lets me off easy, lets me be whoever and whatever I am whenever, and rocks the "let's be friends!!" lifestyle. I can't believe how many insane ups and downs she has already helped me through, and we only met in person five months ago. She also recommends great things to read and watch. Like this:
What else? Don't talk about your writing. If you talk about your writing you will touch something you shouldn't touch and it will fall apart and you will have nothing. Get up at first light and work like hell...Watch your blood pressure. Read. Read...Read...Hold on to your friends. Work like hell and make enough money to go someplace else, some other country where the [---] Feds can't get at you.
Did I say keep your friends? Keep you friends, hold on to your friends. Don't lose your friends.
- Tobias Wolff, Old School
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Running while sitting

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Requests
I'm asking that the VT tragedy is number one of the three recent bad things that happened to me. The third hit today: got a call from the museum that my crate arrived, badly damaged. They do a full damage report tomorrow after unpacking and assessing the actual bricks. I was kind of horrified, but also not surprised. It doesn't mean I'm not upset, but I'm used to it w/this piece: it's a self-portrait. I am high maintenance and high drama. This piece mirrors me perfectly. What can I say? I am a good mirror and I make a good mirror.
Oh, crap. I just found out something that makes me lean more heavily towards going to Mexico this summer. Wow. Things are moving so quickly. It's funny, too, b/c I'm getting everything I asked for: when I started working, I thought during the drudgery moments, "I would rather deal w/my monstrous thesis crate nightmare than work for other people," and voila! Here I am, in the boat I requested. The universe does indeed deliver. I need to now ask for more specific and positive things. Any suggestions?
Oh, crap. I just found out something that makes me lean more heavily towards going to Mexico this summer. Wow. Things are moving so quickly. It's funny, too, b/c I'm getting everything I asked for: when I started working, I thought during the drudgery moments, "I would rather deal w/my monstrous thesis crate nightmare than work for other people," and voila! Here I am, in the boat I requested. The universe does indeed deliver. I need to now ask for more specific and positive things. Any suggestions?
No more working for the man
That was fast. I'm done w/the job. The ending wasn't pretty, but I can't go into details since it's all "professional" stuff (I mean, not what happened, but it's not wise to explain publicly). As yucky as it feels, it's also a big relief. Back to my regularly scheduled programming.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
A tall glass of water


Friday, April 13, 2007
Forever out of the loop


Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I wasn't joking

I'm still exhausted by working, and haven't figured out an exercise routine at all. Today, I chopped board all day. But I'm feeling better (though I fear that the remaining congestion and passing sore throat are actually allergy symptoms and not cold symptoms), and might be agreeing to do some performing for my old trapeze teachers. I have yet to see my friends and go see art, but all in due time.
Monday, April 09, 2007
A photo by Julie Laffin

Go go gadget and yay for tea w/Gili today! I'm officially addicted to sucking on Reed's ginger chews at work. It might turn into a pack a day habit.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Joan Dickinson said this
"Often, things that you want have been taken away from you...expressing your desire makes you vulnerable."
(just something I wanted to share that I found in a sketchbook in the box in the closet.)
(just something I wanted to share that I found in a sketchbook in the box in the closet.)
"Let's call this song exactly what it is"


p.s. - new idea for how to deal with eye strain at work: watch lots of tearjerkers to help stimulate my tear ducts and provide more lubrication for the eyeballs.
Friday, April 06, 2007
NOW I get it

Not only that, but I'm sick again. My denial stages are getting shorter and shorter; this time I was only in denial for a day. I feel awful, but have now traced a fascinating pattern: I get sick every time I start a new job. When I started at NYFA in 2001, sick (that, I blamed on post-9/11 air). When I started at IAC in 2004, sick (blamed that on cubicle air and allergies). When I interned in Brooklyn in 2006, sick (blamed it on winter). Interning in December 2006, sick (blamed that on running from state to state). Vermont Jan 2007, sick (yeah, I worked then, for the office. Blame that one on a crappy residency).
Isn't that insane?? I marvel at the discovery. B/c these are the two solutions: 1. (contributed by dad) Stay at a job forever and never quit, or 2. (this is mine) Never work for anyone else. As crazy as managing my artist life/career is, I would much rather do that full time than anything else. I actually had fun at the airport, waiting for my ride last week, using the extra two hours to set up a new spreadsheet to keep track of expenses and categorize them for tax year 2007. Suddenly, using Excel doesn't seem so horrific when it's for MY benefit only.
Anyhow. Work: whoa. It's HARD. I sewed that monstrous Bible up there in a day and a half. I thought it would take me all week, but I was so grossed out by the mold and dust and rust that I zipped through it, only to be slammed with trays for a box, an entire box, inside liners for a book, and so on. I'm on phone, computer ordering, cleanup, and customer interface detail as well when needed. I can barely see by the end of the day from all the precision work. But I guess it's what I asked for, in its entirety, so I can't complain. I do understand, though, why people can't answer emails, blog, update software, mail birthday cards, back up their computers, do their taxes, and keep up with friends in a timely fashion when working. Whew. I even skipped my shower today.
Weekend goals: get all my paper/computer work done, get better
What I've read/seen but haven't had time to mention in the past two weeks: Ann Patchett's Bel Canto (thanks, Tam!), Uncommon Carriers by John McPhee (oh, wait, I only did three chapters of this b/c I was so bored), "Party Girl" (finally, say Gi and me), and I forget b/c now I'm a forgetful 9-to-5-er (not forever. I got a 2-week summer res in Mexico, but don't know yet if I will go. Sept: Wyoming).
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
First day

Monday, April 02, 2007
I'll never be sixteen again
My paternal grandfather (my maternal one died when my mom was little) took this picture when he was still alive and I was tiny, in Korea. I think. I don't remember, so I make up the story. It's a pretty good indication of my present mood.
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