Thursday, November 17, 2005


I ran downstairs to drop off my lights and paper and cart and other goods, and saw the one sheet I made but didn't come close to using tonight: a big "over" in wire, not folded. And indeed, this thing I've been agonizing over for months is over. I can barely see, and am still chilled. I'd like to say I'm thrilled and happy and all that, but really, I'm just that classic zombie in very basic post-partum.

I took my videographer out to dinner (and too funny to call him that, b/c he's not. I mean, he's a director/writer/producer, and I still don't understand how that works, except that it means he's really busy and it's kind of strange to spend a night shooting something like this. But I'm sure I'll be very pleased w/the footage) and now I'm back home.

The three hours actually passed a lot faster than I had expected. I didn't really have many moments of, "AAAAARGHHH, what time is it?? how much longer???" It only happened near the end, when I was listening to the piano bench w/Keely and Cal, and hoping that I had less than 45 minutes to go. It turned out that I was pretty much done. I went straight to Greg after leaving the bench, b/c I just had to have a time check, and he showed me his watch, and I had a hard time reading it b/c I had apparently forgotten how to read time. It LOOKED like 9pm (when the show was supposed to end) but it looked like it was backwards.

Tonight was hard. Hard mostly from the cold. I had asked for the fans to be turned off and they said the blowers were off and I was afraid that meant all heat was gone, but luckily there was still a little coming thru some vents. I was walking a lot on the marble window ledges and some I'd stay on b/c they had heat, and I was almost crying when I had to stop between double pillars, b/c there were vents in there where outside wind was coming right onto my back. The very last window on the north side closest to the lake was BRUTAL. It was almost like it was open. I'd look outside and see the snow flurries and hear the wind. And I was barefoot with completely thin clothing...I knew it would be a challenge, but didn't expect that I'd be shivering and nearly chattering at points. For that reason, I was grateful to have figured out that I'd do the piano bench at times, and let myself play on the floor as well.

I was shocked at how many people played those two little Boston uprights. Whew! Makes me sad that all those pianos couldn't be there. Then again, makes me glad, b/c my soundscape would have made me CRAZY. It was VERY, very basic. I don't pretend to be a serious composer - or at least, I'm not able to write for more than just myself. So, the way things turned out was quite good considering.

There was a girl who looked just like Ellie-Jo and I couldn't stop looking at her. Something about her eyes. I didn't want to read into them or project, but they were very compelling. I felt bad b/c it looked like the guy w/her wanted to leave but we were still locked. Sometimes I want tell my audience: you can do what you like, and for as long or as short as you'd like. But that seems like too much instruction. I shouldn't assume that people will just do what they want, but I do.

The really amazing part was how FAST the whole thing came down once we hit 9pm. I was out of there at 9:30pm. NO time to just hang, or ponder, or anything. Not even to look at the landscape again. Over so fast. I guess it's good that way.

Now I get to sleep in tomorrow w/no guilty feelings. Then onto regular life.

Thanks to all of you who came out in this horrifically sudden winter weather. You were so lovely; really touching. I wish I had anything good to say. But I'm practically blind and tired in that really deep way. Even good sushi and a tear-jerking bloody mary and pumpkin mochi ice cream won't make me forget that. Maybe I should draw an epsom salt bath (unless I think that will make me drown). Thanks to rock star Greg for the stands and the totally perfect support; it's not easy knowing how to do that right - lay low or disappear, clean shit up, reappear just when I need it...a very special skill/talent/gift.

Okay. I'm going to stop before I just blab endlessly about nothing. Time to unpack.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Lima beans, time, war

Carpet stays.

We refocus lights tomorrow.

Ceiling suspension...maybe?

Five uprights in the hallway. And I asked for 75 music stands.

Ooh! And I got two more video peeps!

Tomorrow is the massive crunch day. And tonight, b/c I want to work on a residency application due tomorrow (that is, of course, completely unrelated). I was freaking out in class tonight when everyone started talking about unrelated topics. I was like, WE HAVE TO FINISH THIS MOVIE on time so I can get out of class and burn the midnight oil!!! Of course, we went over. And it was super depress-o - Harvey Keitel, Sarajevo, everyone dying.

But Ami made me a great dinner w/amazing lima beans and will make dinner for me tomorrow, too.

The bad things: I didn't finish the novel yet, and it's supposed to get REALLY cold and windy and rainy in the next couple of days. 40 mph winds, lows of 22, and 90% chance of rain?? Great. Not only will I barely be able to travel w/all my gear, but no one will come to the show. But people, prove me wrong and come to the show!

Friday, November 11, 2005

F***ed again

WOW. damn. Things are heating up.

So...if anyone was planning on being really excited about my upcoming performance w/100 pianos, it's all over: just got the call tonight that the piano showroom backed out of the entire deal and there will be zero pianos. That gives me five days to scheme up what the hell I'm going to do for my performance on Wed nite.

You'd think I'd be more upset, but I'm actually feeling really solid and ready for the challenge. My sister always says that life is so easy for me, and that everything good comes my way and I don't have to try to do anything b/c it all falls into my lap. Ah, I must now completely disagree. I think that I get screwed SO badly and have been for a long time now, and I just really make the best of it somehow. Otherwise, I'd be a horrific mess (yes, even more so than I am now). Now, I'm just like, BRING IT ON!!! I can handle it. Makes me think of this letter I never sent to Pete, about how when life smacks you w/a 2x4 and you survive it, then you get hit by an even bigger 2x4. My response: true! It's true.

I used to think - god, I'm moving away from NY and w/o trapeze/acrobatics, I'll have no upper body strength. Then I started breaking, and that brought it back. Unfortunately, I was totally forced out of that against my will, and thought, what will I do now? Yoga. And it comes full circle - I'll take more trapeze lessons w/Natalie when I'm home for a month in the winter.

At least I got to have a lovely evening tonight w/Tamara, despite the bad news, and enjoy the adaptation of Murakami stories at Steppenwolf and meet one of the actors, who freaked out b/c I look exactly like my sister. I'm still on track for performing: tomorrow I look for costumes, Saturday I rehearse. If you were coming just for the pianos, don't come. But you should come just to see what happens when 100 pianos go missing.