Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Not very clever traps

Yesterday I learned the word for how to make things right when being ripped off, and another descriptor for me: too weak/soft (referring to overripe fruit that bursts after going to mush). Then I watched "Island" and felt like I was re-hating Never Let Me Go all over again. I started to have an anxiety attack about moving to a new apt, moving to a motel, and leaving the former vacant, but Hyesun snapped me out of it, reminding me that I always run away from the things that I wanted so badly in the first place.

Today I wrote my homework about the classic problem of wanting X and then NOT wanting X once you get it. My two are 1. having my own place and 2. learning how to make hanji. I did lots of studying and laundry today (fourth load in the washer now), and lots of silent fretting b/c I think I am caught up. This may come bite me in the ass soon, but I'm on track - no glaring items to cross off the list, nothing major that has to happen in this very moment.

So, of course, I freak out. All I wanted was some down time, but now that it's here, I can't sit still. I tried to overcome a strong desire for chewy food, and should have gotten some octopus, but instead got ice cream and yogurt and crackers. All categories of food that I should have avoid (dairy, sugar, wheat). I've been thinking about what Brian said to me last week: that traveling to a new place throws the same old you up against a new backdrop, and suddenly all those flaws become that much more glaring. It matches my environs: Korea, constantly under construction. Me, having nightmares about scaffolding and people falling from it on huge planks of wood.

I move the day after tomorrow, bright and early. I don't need to pack today but I wish that I could, just to have something to do. My tutor suggested traveling 5 hours to the East Sea to watch the sun rise on New Year's Day, go to hot springs, and go sledding, but then I found out that I have to go w/my family to pay our new year's respects to my great-aunt and her husband, the former prez.

While drying my bedding, I found that I've been sleeping on this since October. SO appropriate.

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