Sunday, April 19, 2009

Suddenly lighter

[The way to the testing site, on the way out.] The dreaded, awful test is OVER!!! I think I semi-bombed it, which is a shame b/c so many people sent sweet messages and called right before I took it to wish me luck, but I don't care. I hope never to take another standardized test again in my life. I had said the same thing after the SATs and had stuck to it for over 15 years; I'm not sure what made me slip up this time. But no more scantrons! NO MORE!

After grabbing ice cream afterwards, I rushed off to meet Michael and his team for farewell coffee/tea, dinner, and drinks. I had put together his box of goodies to gift tonight and everyone gave him such lovely things. It's amazing what he's been able to get done during his short stay. I am so proud of him!

I think our story is definitely one of instant love. He made the last few months here so much better for me, and reminded me tonight to take care of myself and stop researching at some point. I realized on the bus ride him that he is right: part of my Fulbright proposal was to make art and have a studio practice. I keep just forcing myself to do research that is, in many ways, redundant. He warned me to set deadlines and not work myself into the ground until the moment that I leave. Since I keep pushing my deadline to stop research and start making art. Suddenly, the idea of letting go of my unreasonable expectations and letting myself breathe by giving myself time to make work (or just breathe!) completely relaxed me. For a moment tonight, walking home in the dark in nearly deserted streets, I felt totally okay with the world, this world that I usually consider as one going to hell. Humans do what they can, and what they can do is usually messy and hurtful, but there are also beautiful and wondrous things that are possible. Michael proves this to be so.

Pictures from tonight. Tomorrow, I report to my Korean tutor in shame, since she has been the one training me from the start. I hate to disappoint her. But at least I have good stories to tell her from the last two weeks!

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