Saturday, October 04, 2008

Body talk

[paper flowers in Wonju.] I'm heartsick. It's especially bad b/c I'm SICK sick on top of it so I feel like hell. Right before I said goodbye to my sister and bro-in-law today, I got an email from my dad in NY that my absentee ballot app was rejected. AGH. I think I forgot to fill in a line that said when I'd be out of town. TOTAL DRAG. Anyhow, I don't know how I made it through the day on compounded lack of sleep for the last 10 days or more, but I managed to see three rooms all over town. Definitely a few moments of horror. Now I know that I'd rather sacrifice living alone over living in the equivalent of a jail cell (that I would die in if there ever was a fire since there are no escape routes).

I think I'm taking the room w/the artist I just met a couple days ago. The house is built around a 600-year-old tree. I like to think it might give me a little stability since I've been completely uprooted from my routine, studies, and research. I realized today that this awful bereft and empty feeling comes from not being able to make any work or even pretend to do so. Living in this marriage-sodden culture reinforces the "married to your work" ethic for me. Being away from it has drained the life out of me.

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