Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Severe dyslexia

I'm unsure as to why my slight dyslexia has now manifested as all over the place dyslexia, but it's kind of a drag. I constantly misspell words in Korean and when I transcribe things, I'll say one thing in my head and write another, over and over. I'll even mis-write things that I've already written myself correctly before. It's crazy making! I feel like I can't trust myself at all when I read and write, and it's even making me falter a lot in English. I was thinking last week that b/c it's SO HARD to understand each other (even when sharing the same language), communicating well is pretty much a miracle. The norm is misunderstanding. So I guess I'm thankful for language, as flawed as it is, since it sometimes works better than charades. Though sometimes charades works better...

I was able to finish all of my homework today in about three hours. That's pretty fast. Except that I don't think I actually took any of it in. I know that this program is really grammar heavy and I wanted to really bone up on my grammar, but the lack of continuous speaking practice makes me feel stunted. It's all a kind of halting, awkward practice for me, and I don't see myself getting better at this particular kind of instruction. Two nights ago, I had dreams of being held hostage in the US and I was begging to be released so that I wouldn't miss my flight to Korea and miss language classes. I woke up all startled and it took a while for me to realize I was ALREADY in Korea and already in classes. Clearly, my anxiety levels have not subsided. I'm feeling burdened by my to do list that never gets done, mostly b/c of the weather. It's sooooo grossly hot and humid that I have no inclination to run any errands in the afternoon b/c I'd just fall over and be cooked on the pavement. But I need to get things! For now, I'm running around dressed inappropriately (all my clothes are too low cut or sleeveless or too hard to wear/wash in this weather).

It's also weird that most of the Americans here in class are also working as English teachers. I see them scurrying off all the time and commuting everywhere. It's like a guarantee that you'll find a job here teaching English. I feel like I'm out of the game, but that's b/c I'd be deported and stripped of my grant if I did it. It's nice to be prohibited from doing certain things that I probably would end up doing.

1 comment:

  1. finally at a computer long enough to catch up on your blog. the photos all have this gray white tint to them that is a little strange to me. it all seems like a bit of a time/space warp and the humidity i'm sure doesn't help. we just got to bend and i'm going to try to go and float down a river. xo!

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