Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Palpable changes

[One of Beth's books from early in the class week, responding to an assignment where they made two books that told the same story, one book using no text.] I gave myself the luxury of staying home for three days in between VT and OH gigs and am not completely rested, but finally got to the task I had been putting off for months: uploading images online. I used to do this cheerfully, but everything has changed. Now, I try to take less photos to begin with so I have less to sort through and less, period. The only way I can do that is to trust that my photography skills have gotten better since I got my first digital camera almost 10 years ago. My compulsion to shoot the same thing over and over came from the worry that I'd never capture anything decent, and also from not wanting to miss some amazing moment. Now I miss the days when film and developing cost enough for you to edit better. Airline/baggage costs also make it harder for me to justify taking a tripod on trips, so less self-timer images. It used to be so important to document myself DOING things. Now I am fine not to be center stage (and this probably explains why I am okay to stay away from performing).
Six years into blogging, I feel the same way. I used to just put it all out there, and now I don't. Not only to protect myself, but because I don't want to anymore. I think these are all functions of maturing (I am trying to switch to that because all I EVER get are eye rolls from people when I say I'm "getting older.")--I noticed it in Santa Fe, meeting older women who would advise against things like nighttime walks alone or any kind of striking out into the unknown landscape (in a car or on foot) alone. Certain risks start to feel less worthy. I have always been headstrong combined with foolish and it's fascinating to see where that combination of choices has led me. I sympathize with my teachers and family more for the difficulties I caused, not so much for them, but for myself. We get in our own way. Just yesterday, I was trying to plan commuting tickets for the silkscreen class I will take in a couple weeks, and figured I could run from station to class in 10 minutes. Then I remembered that I can't do that anymore; my foot won't cooperate. Better to take the earlier train.

I'll leave the speed to the younger ones! Korea is proud: Yang Hak-seon got them their first gold medal in men's gymnastics on the vault. Video, article.

1 comment:

  1. love the book! six years. SIX years!


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