Finally. Home.

Whoa. That month was clearly a doozy; I came home today (w/a stop to the dentist, who was very angry that I had some other dentist in Korea do work on my teeth) and am recovering from unpacking, laundry, re-packing, admin, and the like. I am only now getting a sense of exactly HOW MUCH work I have to do. The worst part is that I'm late w/a lot of it, which is one of my most hated predicaments. But plenty of sunlight, the river, home cooking, and a comfy place to sleep will hopefully get me energized enough to tackle it hard.

Sun's farewell

My last day! Instead of working on the big piece last night, I wove this (well, it started out as something else, came out dreadfully, and I had to undo it).

I have a huge water blister from doing it. When Ben called last night and I confessed to weaving while watching trashy TV, he said, "I thought you said you were going to stop weaving once you left Korea." But, like Terttu told me a few weeks ago: "this is something you can do now that you couldn't do before!!" It's like anything else - if I can do it, and I feel like it, I will. Which must be why I joomchi-ed my scraps from weaving to make a picture book and a cover.

Today I realized that my stomachaches of late have come from one culprit: granola. So I am banning it from the diet for a good long while, which is fine. I survived for well over a year without it, so I can do it again. All I have have left to appease my sweet tooth now is cranberry juice and seltzer.

The sun came out today! It started out foggy, but then I was shocked when sun peeped into my studio. I took another long walk close to noon and tried two new roads that hooked up exactly the way I expected, so that boosted my confidence in my ability to navigate. Then I came back and proceeded to not work on the big piece again.

Instead, I made 64 of these. I still haven't figured out how to put them together, but it's right on the tip of my brain. I gave up my afternoon nap (and for a moment, it felt, my eyesight! Though it's nice to be able to do it w/o a needle b/c the bark is tough enough) to do this, though I'm tempted to lay down before dinner.

I've been preparing to pack since the morning. In many ways, I'm itching to get out of here. But in others, I know that the madness of my fall schedule will begin the moment I leave tomorrow morning, and soon I will be pining for solitary summer studio days.

Cold hands

Brr. The weather has turned and I am not prepared in any way at all. I just spent an hour on the air mattress, bundled in every last piece of clothing I could find that isn't totally filthy, reading and wondering if I should walk the 3 miles for a bag of chips. I'm craving crunchy food = stressy.

Here are the tracks of the mystery visitor. After being supremely lazy for days (maybe even longer), I finally got myself out the door and walked for an hour in the rain.

This line runs across someone's property. I'm not sure why. My batteries died before I could shoot the six different colored balls next to the soccer net in some other yard. The nice thing about walking in the rain is that the allergies are pretty much erased.

I like anything that says "CLP" b/c I can figure out myself that it stands for Connecticut Light and Power. Light and power, good things to have.

I came back to the studio and wondered why my brush pens are black and green, and so are my ball points. The same green! I have no answers.

Words of gratitude

I got a message yesterday from Ravikumar Kashi, an Indian artist, thanking me for helping make possible a residency for him to make paper at my hanji teacher's mill. The InKo Centre will be funding his fall stay at the mill, where he will learn to make hanji and then apply that to his work when he returns to India. I'm excited to see how it all works out! Since this time it will be all learning w/o knowing the Korean language. I personally think this mill would be a faboo place for an ongoing residency program, but that would take tons of admin, which no one is ready to shoulder right now.

Rain rain don't go away

It's been raining all day, and grey, which makes for a great quiet day - ramping down and being reasonable about what I'll do for the last couple days. I think I need to write. I also indulged in waxing some bark paper w/Velma's beeswax, which I can't get enough of. I should just make a face mask of paper so I can inhale the aroma all day.

Instead, I sewed a crown. I got an unwanted visitor today (and saw the muddy tracks of some other visitor who must have come around last night on the porch!!) but was able to re-work a piece into something for the show opening next weekend. I sewed up a little pilot book and will see now if I can fill it. I did these cords last night while watching silly TV and getting caught in the act: Ben called, finally in a normal state of being. He's getting sent home a day earlier than scheduled! Thank goodness. That training sounded worse than hell.

Looking forward to a quiet evening, if all goes as planned.

Obligations

[My favorite kind of installations pack up easily.] All done w/the studio visit. But now I'm all kinds of tired. I did get up the nerve to make a new piece (success!) and edit an older piece (it's WAY easier when you do it right in the beginning. Fixing sucks). My fibers teacher from Haystack, Mi-Kyoung Lee, has a show opening at the Craft Alliance tomorrow. See the site and click thru for more images. She is so gorgeous I can hardly stand it.

The good thing about having the open studio is that I just taped up big pieces on the sloped walls in front of windows and found that the backlighting TOTALLY makes the pieces. So this is good information to have. It'll be a nightmare to hang and light in Miami, I'm sure, but I've been told that the installer is top notch.

I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about everything I didn't say or forgot to or was distracted from or what have you during the lecture. But mostly I have been thinking today about how crazy the two full-time jobs are: being an artist, and being the PR firm. I'd be perfectly happy NOT setting up ridiculous tripod/self-timer shots of me "working" so that I could simply work. But it's not that kind of world anymore.

Tick tick tick

There are so few days left, and I barely get anything done lately. But this morning, I did spin this rope from a failed paper experiment. I used it to rig my hanji samples at tonight's presentation - it was the perfect length.

This was also salvaged from the experiment but much less successful than the rope. No, I'm not going into business making paper flowers for weddings. Though I should if I want to make a killing, from what I hear about the wedding paper flower trend.

I turned this other failed joomchi piece into a book, which finally helped me get rid of my random tiny woven pieces. Now it's a sample book! Since I am obsessed with making sample books. They're so stress-free, and educational, and straightforward, and fun to make. I made three tiny books also while waiting for my ride to the library.

Today would have been a gorgeous day to work all day, with a great breeze, but I had to stop halfway and shower and then install my work at the library. I swear I had the camera in my hands to shoot it, but the moment I turned it on, a friend walked thru the door so I had to put it away. Tonight went really well - I went on and on about hanji in a very rambly way, yet people seemed for the most part to pay attention and not fall asleep! We had a great turnout - I would have needed all my fingers AND toes to count the audience, and they loved the work I brought. The only thing was that I was inundated by curious questions before and after, so I couldn't even get CLOSE to the food table. But the ED was kind enough when she picked me up to bring some fresh farmers market goodies. We drove past the lemonade stand but the kids had ran out - one of the boys drank it all.

Tomorrow is my open studio for the park employees! Then I have three days left to work. Yeeeee...

Backtracking

Panties in a pot. Not thrilled about dye tests. I was thinking today that I have too much crap in the studio to play with. So I might just put this away for later.

This, too, the greased hanji. I did a piece with it today and showed it to my sister, who said it looked "rinky-dink," so that definitely is not going to happen. She said that my work this morning looked wholly uninspired. She's right.

Last night I stayed up late (I think I've become afraid to go to sleep here) and wove this out of mulberry bark. Today I dunked it in the dye bath. It's all that comforts me in this time of massive stress, keeping my hands busy w/random tiny bits of bark and hanji. I feel like I have to crank out work like a robot, which would be FINE if I actually WAS a robot. But I'm not. So this human being is going to see how she feels after taking a shower and cooking dinner. I am hoping that tonight will be a good work night. Or at least a good admin night - the galleries are breathing down my neck for a million things, of course all due yesterday, even though I only get notice now. My admin priority is prepping my presentation for tomorrow at the library. The rest will have to wait!

An aside

Kelsey sent me this article that was written about KDJ by overseas adoptees. Scroll down for the English.

Cooling off

Thank goodness the humidity and heat have finally subsided a little! I went to bed last night feeling like I had been drinking all day, so the morning was a little slow, but I finally managed to finish this book. I was upset about some mistakes I made, but they're not bad enough to ruin it and I don't have time (or desire) to re-do it. I visited the library today to scope it out for my presentation on Wednesday. I'm bringing hanji and stuff I've made, so there better be more people than I have fingers on one hand. Then Jen took me to the store and I got some green peppers, which are my new favorite thing to cook.

This morning, I cleaned the bathroom and washed the studio floor. There is a certain kind of roach-like bug that has been crawling out into the middle of my studio floor and dying, legs up, the same spot. I hope it doesn't happen tonight b/c I have nine sheets of hanji that I glued together today on the floor. And b/c it's creepy! The bugs are coming out in full force, which makes me squeamish, but I don't really have time to be squeamish. I cooked dinner while I was preparing my cochineal dye bath. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. I didn't have pantyhose or mesh, so I wrapped up the ground bugs in a panties. I'm pretending that I intended to dye them.

Too much pizza is real

To counter my incredibly humid and unproductive Saturday, I ran off today to New Haven to see Terttu (who shot this photo)! It was great. I was totally unprepared for the intense sun (I thought they forecasted rain!) but it was great to see her new grad school (and possibly the ugliest school of art I have ever seen, ever), her new apt, hit a block party, and EAT.

Block party? Oh, yes. Terttu was modeling for a friend in a driveway fashion show, so we got to hang for a while and eat food perfect for a Sunday. [the house colors in this town are pretty amazing!]

[I don't even try to tame the hair in this kind of weather.] This was after I met her in the morning at the train station and we walked to a ridiculously huge organic brunch. I had been craving huevos rancheros forEVER, so as soon as I spotted it on the menu, it was all over. Terttu had eggs florentine and we gorged ourselves, then walked a bunch and finally to her place, where we re-hydrated and then basically collapsed for a nap. Once we came to, I ground up cochineal bugs (there is no blender here) and we did a photo shoot to Beyonce's "Halo" before rushing out to the block party.

The designer, the MC, the DJ. Good times, great music!

After stopping at the health food store, we went home for snacks and then headed back out to another part of town for Italian ices. There were crazy lines for pizza at the two popular joints, so we went back downtown to get an eggplant / basil / spinach white pizza at Bar, which we ate in a "park" (dozens of benches strewn around on bricks and concrete with a few pathetic trees) until it started to rain. We walked to the station and hung until my train left. I was super lucky and got a ride home from the interim ED and her husband, which was a relief - I had brought my headlamp to do the hike, but it would have been dangerous w/the dark, fog, and winding roads that cars like to speed on. I only realized once I got of the train that I had one slice too many, but it was totally worth it. Terttu is the best meds for my soul!

One more day

I hear that we'll get rain today, and that it will last for days, and then the heat will go away. Of course, that means then I'll get cranky about all the rain. But hopefully I will at least be able to work, instead of giving all my good hours to blogging or making brownies. Today's morning walk was going to the store and hiking back while having two tofutti cuties for breakfast and then doing a big batch of brownies to bring over to the park service staff. I've been here for almost three weeks and haven't introduced myself, out of a mix of being antisocial / shy / busy. Also, I tend to prefer not knowing the people who have the greatest chance of seeing me naked when I am in here. It turned out that almost no one was at the kitchen for lunch, so I was able to leave the treats and not meet anyone new.

I undid and respun some dyed cords to sew and map out the big book for Miami. I'm still unsure of how the content will live inside of it, but I prepped all the sheets last night in the dark, which was tricky since I was grinding ink and couldn't tell what was black and what was grey. But it was too hot for lights.

This is where most of my sewing things go. It's sandwich tupperware that my mom had given me years ago. Later, she would wonder where it was when wanting to pack sandwiches and was not too pleased that I was not using it for food. It reminds me of how I had my panty book in a show while I was in Korea, and when the show ended, it was mailed home. My dad had put it away and one day my sister came for an overnight visit. She was looking for extra underwear, and my mom was like, oh, Aimee has a ton! and then pulls out the book and proceeds to try and rip the underwear apart. Luckily, my dad caught her before she ruined the French link stitch, saying, "that's ART!!!"

As Ching-In says, I've trained my family well. Quitting a stable career and zeroing out my savings while simultaneously going into debt so that I could commit to being a full-time artist was not a popular decision years back. But now my dad can tell the difference between ART panties and regular panties! My mom will take more work, clearly. But seriously, I've been thinking almost every day since I've arrived here how thankful and lucky I am to have such a supportive family, and solid friends. Otherwise, I'd still be wearing clean clothes that were different every day and constantly redecorating a cubicle while bickering with coworkers about database management.

Time for another brownie.

One big puddle

NO letting up w/this heat and humidity!! I'm doing my best to stay upstairs as long as possible today b/c last night I hardly slept - the mildew or whatever weirdness is downstairs really got to me. But it's basically like staying in a sauna all day. Which means very small movements at all times.

I had a realization that I don't have to cut down and cord all of my colored hanji for my installation. I can slice instead. But I am not even going to touch the stuff until the weather breaks. Sadly, I am running out of food, but it's still too hot for me to even think about walking to get more.

In my attempt to do something w/scraps and sit very still, I made this additional interpretation of one of my knit books. Very pleased.

Last night, I finished my incredibly lopsided bark thread basket. I marvel at how completely unable I am at making anything that is NOT lopsided when I weave. But now I think it would be nice if books had baskets as homes instead of boxes and cases. I mean, not all the time, but sometimes they might like it.

I worked on another big ink piece and touched up another, and made a new one of these (works way better than the very first). So that leaves me at six big pieces, two mediums, and six smaller ones. I am totally stumped as to exactly how I will rig them to hang. But can't think about that until my brain regains its solid state.

Still too hot

I got up too early today and had to lay down at 9:30am or so but had a good work session in the morning, which was a nice treat. I didn't think I would, b/c I was foolish enough last night to have green tea after dinner, and got a big jolt of second wind to work in the studio at night. Which felt great. I got nice news from my cousin, who said his son was born at 3.5 kg, a big-eyed, handsome boy.

Today, I have no idea what I did b/c I'm delirious from the heat and humidity. We are waiting for storms to come in and break this weather, but in the meantime, I spent the afternoon weaving bark thread and then Christopher came over to help me shoot some things outside. I suddenly have a big load of admin work to do tonight, so I guess that will be my excuse to stay downstairs where it is cool. Though I think my brain has already melted away.

Chugging along

[Kitchen window.] Hot today, but not as oppressive as yesterday. I think the humidity dropped and the breeze picked up. Jen was SO kind today to take my dirty laundry, wash it, hang it on the line, and bring it back folded when she came back in the afternoon for us to hit the art supply store. So some things are taken care of, but new problems have arisen. This always happens. But at least I have fresh blades.

I did two new big pieces today and liked this one but was not happy about the oil stains from the floor. I'm not a painter so I don't understand how it gets all over the floor. I knew better! I had washed part of the floor but was working on an unwashed part. The price to pay for haste in work, trying to beat the time and avoid the hot parts of the day.

I also went back and tore off hanji I had already felted onto a smaller pieces. I don't know why I do this, make lots of work for myself and then get rid of it, but I guess it's all part of the learning curve. At least I'm getting better at grinding ink. I've worked in silence today after hearing the news, my little bit of processing.

Death and life

My great uncle, Kim Dae-jung, former president of South Korea, passed away in Seoul on Tuesday (today but yesterday if you calculate it in Korean time). Three hours later, in the same hospital, my cousin's wife gave birth to their first son. We had been waiting for both of these events; KDJ was very ill in the hospital for a while and the baby was due this past weekend.

It's very strange to be so far from it all, getting ready to make a new piece while a park service worker is weed wacking outside. I won't be the family rep to go back and pay respects, but will be thinking of everyone in mourning and am relieved that he is at peace after working his whole life for it.

Derailed by heat

[Milkweed on the side of the road. Ahead, they touched up the crosswalk from the parking lot to the visitor center.] I have lately been eaten up by fear, fear of all sorts, so I decided this morning to do what I usually do when this happens (well, usually, I just avoid everything that is scaring me. But I do have this one tactic): do something that REALLY scares me.

So I finally took the trails from the national park land into the preserve that is managed by the Nature Conservancy. I don't have appropriate clothing, but even in my paranoia about ticks, I essentially RAN through the woods w/my ankles and arms exposed. A mosquito bit my forehead, but otherwise I came out unscathed. I was following the blazes on the trees but ran into a bunch of fallen trees and at one point, a stream, so I had to backtrack a lot. I came out the main entrance and walked past Jen's house (the volunteer in charge of me), and back home for a shower. I'm not really sure that I did anything but run through my fear with my fear, but it's done.

I finally put this together but didn't have the right rigging for it, which means that possibly it will take more work to FIX it than to make it. I wish wish wish I was better at rigging, but I am woefully bad. I need some PVC piping but that is NOT something I can find in the woods, so I will have to just fix the piece when it gets installed.

If it actually ever gets finished!! It's hot as blazes today and I am surprised I lasted as long as I did (until 3:30pm) in my sauna of a studio. The top is not a fashion statement: that's how I rigged having a pocket to hold the pieces of hanji cord to tie off all of the colored cords. I felt the whole time like I was just making a ginormous basketball net. Well, maybe I am.

[Eventually, I ended up just working in my underwear.] I quit in the afternoon b/c I got a ways down and realized that the whole thing needs to be longer, which means I have to cut down and spin more hanji, which makes me want to throw a tantrum b/c that will take another 2 days at least. Plus, that prep work is brutal. So I took a nap in the a/c, read about female soldiers, talked to Terttu, and looked at the final report for Guapa, the residency program I did in Mexico in 2007. Their call for applications is up - apply! It's due Sept 15 and I think the dates in Feb next year will be around when the monarch butterflies do their migration.

Also, Marian Runk, an alumna from both my almae matres, has a new Etsy shop. She does great comics; I had fun reading her books when they were in Seoul. Oh, and one more shout out to Doug Collins, who is a printmaker back in NYC who helped inspire the conceptual framework behind my word ruler book. Now, back to brave the studio...

I have no idea what is going on

Last night as I was trying to sleep, I realized that I wanted to use up my ink tests on the Chinese-made paper I bought in Korea for calligraphy practice. I had intended first to combine it w/hanji, but I'm too spoiled now. The vast gulf in quality makes it impossible for me to mix the two since the Chinese stuff falls apart. It's so fragile that it won't take my glue tape; it just rips and sticks to the tape, instead of letting the tape stick to it. So I made this today instead: Chinese paper on Chinese paper. I sat on it the whole time that I made it. I really enjoy sitting on and stepping on my work. Maybe this is related to Korean culture being a floor culture, or maybe I was a rug dealer in a past life. I honestly have no idea what I am doing lately with all this joomchi and collage work, which makes it doubly hard for me to be alone here since I have no outside eye to give me feedback. They photograph badly, so I can't share here.

As for all the torn paper, I think that I still have this in my system and haven't channeled it out yet. I only started getting it out of my system last year in Maine, but didn't get a chance to continue in Korea. The good news is that I spun all the cut-down hanji, showered, and gave the cottage a once over w/the highly-functioning vacuum cleaner! This prepares me at the halfway mark, when I need to focus on what I'll get done in the next (final!) two weeks. Of course, instead of working, I walked three miles for pizza and chocolate granola (and eggs and veggies), thought about a welcome home party in NYC, agreed to more time-consuming non-studio work, napped, and watched a supremely bad basketball movie while spinning paper. But isn't that what Sundays are for?

Dirty fingernails

I ground so much ink yesterday that I balked at the thought of doing any more hardcore work with it today. Instead, I washed some clothing since I can't hold out any longer - laundry won't happen until possibly Tuesday. At least it was hot and sunny today so everything dried quickly.

This piece turned out better in the morning than when I left it last night, though I wish I hadn't gotten a hole in it. There are lots of holes in these pieces but there's really no way around it. Paper is only so strong...

I've been doing so much of this studio work that I have neglected my sketchbook work. I still haven't come up with much, though. But look at this amazing pic by Elizabeth! As I was taking my daily morning walk today, I realized that it seems like I am not showing you any scenery. It's not that there isn't any, it's just that I prefer walking in the morning w/o my camera. Plus, it's eerie: these mansions all have basketball hoops, soccer nets, trampolines, tree swings, swing sets, treehouses, hammocks, etc., but NO signs of children. It's still summer, right? Where ARE they?

I cut these down today. Last night, after finally figuring out that I could switch off track lights so I didn't fry to a crisp at night in the studio, I did the first cut down into triangles. This morning, I went out on the porch and did the strips, since it causes so much paper fuzz/dust and I am tired of vacuuming. It took me a whole movie to spin four colors, and there are at least three films worth of spinning left. Maybe tonight's goal will be one more movie's worth...

Beat

The problem with doing big stuff is that the experiments are exhausting. I'm all over the studio now and wishing for more wall space (and space space!) but it's not happening. I started a new diving-in project as well, which is something I've been thinking about for a long time now, but have been too chicken to try. It's going to take forEVER just to prep it.

I took a walk today and poked down Dark Pond Trail, which was creepy only b/c it was called Dark Pond Trail. Who names these streets?? I saw two inchworms going down to the circle at the end of the street and one mansion. And swampiness. The other problem now that I am almost at the half-way point is that all I want to eat is pizza and brownies. I don't have either of those things, which can be good or bad. Good, so I won't eat them. Bad, b/c when I finally get to, I'll eat enough for a whole village.

I made huge messes today w/the ink I've been grinding on and off all day. My hands are completely stained. This is why it's nice to not see anyone or go out: no one can see my dirty fingernails or smell my patchouli soap. I made an order today from Earthues and had a lovely talk with Kathy. Dyes freak me out, and even when I was taking classes in Seoul, I never felt like I really knew what was going on. But she was super sweet and made me miss those days, when we ordered things over the phone and talked to REAL PEOPLE. It made my morning. Well, that and my shower. And the nice guy who waved to me who works for the park service but I have been too busy and anti-social to meet formally.

If I can get myself back upstairs, it's bad to work. If not...

Crunchy cravings

I got up early today, with most of the credit going to the construction workers. The morning routine went well, and I made two new pieces. I'm still not convinced by what I'm doing but I'm doing it. I'm finally figuring out how the hanji works and how freaking amazing it is. B/c though I had devoted a year to research on it, I didn't actually have good solid one-on-one time with it (besides the weaving bit. Which is a whole different story). Super tough and strong, great when wet, and better for the wear and handling. Though beautiful as is, too. It's true that once you start using it, you wonder what you've been doing your whole life w/o it.

I've also figured out how to grind ink properly: less water! Today was very satisfying in that regard; I inked up an entire long sheet of hanji and it takes beautifully. I also got an exciting call from home: the hanji screen and frame have arrived!!

I took the long walk downhill to get groceries; I needed to get out and really wanted chips. I like to spend inordinate amounts of time at the supermarket, which somehow acts as a good stress reliever and procrastination technique. The climb uphill didn't kill me (either by the workout or by the cars careening past), and I noted the patches of huge, gorgeous milkweed along the sides of the road that I had first seen on the way down. If I had my pruning shears on me, it would take all of my self control to keep from harvesting it all.

For the sake of my heart

Yesterday's ink tests. This would be SO much more fun if I wasn't grinding my own ink. I keep looking for the stuff that's all ready to go and then I realize I only have the ink stick and the stone. Ah, the choices I make in idealism. My stone is small since I didn't want to buy a huge one and go over baggage limits when I came back from Korea, so the ink often splashes out, which is why I moved my grinding station away from the huge stack of hanji I made in the winter.

I've been doing this yesterday and today. I also finally got out of my frenzied, agitated, upset about things I can't control, generally hyper state. I sat down and forced myself to do a big piece even if I have to trash it later b/c I have to start the big stuff. It's SO scary. Small stuff is fine b/c it's easier to redo or hide, but the big stuff takes up so much room! I realize that a lot of my recent acting out has been my automatic sabotaging mechanism when I freak out about big things I have to do.

[I'm about out of paper for this piece. It's been fun!] I realized that all I have to do is do the work. Put in the hours. Practice. All that good stuff. And then I felt fine, sitting on the floor on a big patch of hanji I had made, tearing layers of hanji apart. I wondered what I was so upset about in the first place. During a water break, I saw an email from Elizabeth about her son's heart, and it made me realize that for the sake of MY heart, I need to get out of my head. Sure, head is useful for some things, but mostly it makes me crazy.

I liked what the Tufte piece below said: "ART IS ART". I've been struggling w/this paralyzing fear that I am going to make crap, which I know is ridiculous, but also super typical. But if I do the work, at least the work will be done. I looked at the floor plan for my Miami show in Oct, and got so excited to be working with 1. a real floor plan, 2. a real gallery space, and 3. a space big enough to breathe in. I rode the bike about 20x around the tiny driveway here, in circles, and am ready for the night work.

Clunky but moving

I taped some calligraphy in the window. I don't know what to do with it. It's not very good but I like it so much. Then again, I generally like squares of anything. I'd like a square of chocolate cake right now, but that's neither here nor there.

I stayed up late last night weaving and knitting and all sorts of weirdness so that I could use up all of my sappan dyed hanji. I get pretty compulsive about "finishing" up all of one thing at a time, b/c the stray pieces make me insane. Though I really need to learn to leave things and come back to them later. I ended up sleeping downstairs b/c it was so hot upstairs and then slept late, so I did a 'barely' walk and then came back to WORK. So this book is done,

and this one, too! Plus I made a piece on watermarked hanji and then a triptych on oiled hanji so I think, save all the administrative nightmare and all the text and final presentation issues (and finding the other pieces I will show that are hiding out somewhere at home), I think I can finally put this first show aside and move onto the second!

Jen was going to take me to the Aldrich today, but her car suddenly died as I was waiting to be picked up (thus the time for chipmunks living in the stone wall). I thought I wasn't going but then suddenly another volunteer called and showed up in 10 minutes to take me there. It's a gorgeous space and sized perfectly.

There's tons of Tufte work outside and in, and it was a pretty gorgeous day for everything. I think I will nap, have dinner, and then see what gets cooking for the next phase. I'm hoping the ugliest phase is over!

A blog was born today

Eric (also born today), a wildly smart and talented friend from way back when we weren't old enough to drive, has started a drawing blog that he will post to every day for a year.

It's called Superfreaks. He writes: "Superfreak: A superhero whose powers are derived from character flaws and/or transgressive behaviors; mental cases and manipulators distinguished from their civilian counterparts only by their ornate costumes and their attitudes."

Back into the water

Terttu came to visit yesterday!! It was SO GOOD to see her again. It's been way too long. Years! These are the little stickies I got for her in Seoul, so that she can study hard at Yale when she starts grad school next month. I think it's hilarious that we are both in CT right now, which we both find to be a super weird state. I love that she comes out to see me at residencies when she can. I was so out of it and too busy talking to her to take pics of both of us, but it was really great to have someone come and see what I've been up to and also all the hanji from Korea - she gave me some good ideas for directions to go in, which felt really freeing, b/c I had been so stuck on the directions that I thought I should go in. So now I'm all itching to be onto the next bunch of work - I'm two days behind the schedule I made.

Part of this comes from some serious administrative struggles since I'm now entering a give and take phase w/other people, and not everyone values efficiency and keeping deadlines. I am trying not to let that poison my work, but it's hard. It was good, though, to talk to Terttu about all of my major concerns. Near the end of her visit, she was like, "so, what else are you worried about?" But we had taken care of most of it. Mostly, I am just scared of making crap and wasting my time (not just my daily time but my time on earth). CLEARLY, someone needs to have a vacuum taken to her head so that she can clean up the neurotic dust bunnies. Instead, she spent the day downstairs weaving this and making lots of hanji dust.

This book is waiting for the one before it to get done. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the last day for these and then I can get to bigger work, fun stuff, for the second show this fall. I'm listening to Milli Vanilli and re-listening to Alain de Botton talking about things like how we live for the first time in an era where we worship ourselves and not things that are outside ourselves, or bigger that ourselves, or not human. Yesterday, I read a super depress-o article about our misogynist culture. Oh, and it's now crazy hot and humid, as August usually is. But otherwise, I am grateful for the time and the studio. And for the PVA that Terttu got for me in NYC! Total lifesaver. I loved being able to talk to her about being outside of the US and how that really brings out the differences in Americans and non-Americans - that idea of the individual as first priority, rather than the community as most important. So it was good to process that part of what I had learned in Korea with her. And also to eat lots of fruit.

Backtracking

This is the book of stamps I hope to sell for a book of stamps. Maybe two books, first-class postage.

[Rubble-filled wall - the most stable of the three types on this land.] I went for a long walk this morning and saw Jen, my volunteer, as she was priming and painting parts of her house exterior. We commiserated on how much we hate framing and how we suck at it b/c of dyslexia. Next week, she'll take me on a museum date.

[This roof is going to be replaced soon; apparently it goes all red when the moss blooms.] I didn't sleep well, so I had lots of cantaloupe for breakfast and don't even know what I did until the stone wall tour that Cassie gave. I love that when she talked about thrown walls, I assumed she meant "throne" walls. I'm such a princess.

I LOVED the tour and and totally recommend it. They give it at 1pm on Thursdays and Saturdays, and it goes for an hour. Plus the weather today was faboo and the family on tour was super engaged and nice. Also, we found out that they have heirloom apple trees, and in the fall they put a basket of them outside the visitor center for free (so come fetch instead of trying to steal them off of national land). There is actually a whole orchard somewhere else that we can't see. This place is fascinating once you find out about all the little things. I learned LOTS about stone walls (these are laid ones, terraced and European-style). Reminded me of the ones full of holes made in Jeju (the big island south of Korea) with volcanic rock - it's an island known for its rocks, wind, and women. As in these being ever plentiful.

After learning about glaciers, clear cutting, frost heave, crappy land for farming, fences, "when you buy meat, you buy bones; when you buy land, you buy stones," wolf trees, capstones, and 1 over 2 / 2 over 1, I came home to my new air mattress!! Janice is amazing! So I am psyched about the new sleeping arrangement. But I will feel even more psyched if I get some decent work before I go to bed.

Mostly stretching

This is most of what I do all day.

Then I try to work.

But I end up getting distracted by random other things and re-transcribing transcriptions from almost 10 years ago. I'd label this, "unproductive day."

Jackpot!

[The red bldg in back is my cottage. Funny, growing up I always thought cottages had to be soft, like marshmallows or mushrooms, when I read about them. So this doesn't quite feel like a cottage to me. Just a place that is the perfect size for one.] I slept okay last night so I got up and took my walk (new road! Not as pretty as yesterday, but I saw raspberries by the side of the road on the way back. And got a better sense of the wetlands on my side of the street), and then tackled the day after good granola.

I've been having a lot of fun w/my heart series that started out as a joke. This was the first one I did today.

This is the second. Funny, since Ching-In and I just had a long convo about open hearts and where we rate on the spectrum.

The first thing I did after doing some morning writing was finally turn one of those knit pieces into a book! Thanks to Velma for giving me a kind but firm kick in the butt to get going. Of course, I thought I'd get much more than this done today, but things always take longer than I expect. ALWAYS.

I also made a funny book that I want to offer for sale at my first show in Sept, but not for money. I want to sell it for stamps. But I worry that the gallery will be mad at me for doing that. I assume they will just take the percentage by calculating it from the number of stamps. I haven't decided how many yet. It's a "book of stamps" so I wanted to ask for book of stamps in return. But nice ones. Not the bells. I figure it seems cheap, but it requires a trip to the post office or time spent ordering online! So that's someone else's time. Which is money.

I also packed up five sets of mail art that will be for sale (w/a dollar price), so that is finally out of my hair. I sorted some of my hanji and made a "teaching" roll so I have samples of everything I have and now can do whatever I like w/the remainder and don't have to be precious about handling it. Other good news: the wireless is up and running, and I might be getting an air mattress tomorrow! Things are finally getting to a good working state.

There goes another day

I am going to be really happy when this tangled mess gets straightened out, but I imagine it won't happen this week. This is milkweed on the path across the street. I miss the days when I had nothing I had to do except harvest those goodies and then go to bed on a huge Swedish foam mattress, listening to coyotes. Last night was brutal: I tried to go to bed early, but the mildew kept me up. After Ben rang at midnight to say he was alive and well, I hauled bedding upstairs and set up a makeshift spot on the floor of my studio. I went downstairs 3x at various times of the night and early morning to fetch more since today was unusually cold. But I think this will be bed from now on.

I had a visit from the head volunteer for the program and Jen, who is in charge of me this month, and they reassured me that it was fine to run the a/c to deal w/the bedroom situation. Janice, the interim ED, came by to try and set up wireless but ended up taking it all back w/her after a couple of hours and will come by tomorrow to try again. I took an early morning walk on a new road, which was lovely, and did my best to do good self-care since I was running on so little sleep. But I haven't gotten any work done besides more admin and struggling w/this upcoming exhibit. It's incredible how much time and energy the tiniest things eat up.

At least I'm showered and had really good chicken soup and rice for lunch. And got to talk to Terttu: we are in the same state!!! This hasn't happened for years.

Today's a dud

I did my compulsory ranger-led tour of the site today, which was 30 min and more like a lecture at one end of the path and more of the lecture at the other end of the path (complete with "slides"!). And the path is short. This and a site in New Hampshire are the only arts-related national park service areas. This is Cassie, one of the rangers, who was an art history major but also wanted to work for the park service, so this job is perfect for her, as an interpretive ranger.

These are buildings that are under construction and the one in the middle is the former studio of a sculptor grandson of Brigham Young, who married the second daughter of the painter that this farm is named after. Weir was from an elite art family and this was his second home (he had a place in NYC). Here, he'd paint the landscape, and then used the money from selling his art to put back into the land to make it even more picturesque so that he could paint more and sell more and so on. He did the switch from the Hudson River school of painting to American Impressionism, and had the caretaker build him a mobile studio, which was a hut complete w/wood stove that could be hitched to oxen that would drag him around the farm so he could paint even in inclement weather. The caretaker thought he was just spoiled and called the structure a "palace car."

This land straddles two towns (Wilton & Ridgefield) - Pelham Lane is the dividing line. I live right off of it, on Nod Hill Road. Weir called his whole place the Land of Nod. It was fairly quiet today except for an ant that got into my pants and bit me during the tour (there was a family there so I couldn't just pull them down to figure out what all the commotion was on my hip when I felt the sting and the critter; eventually I turned away to peek and there it was. I was generous enough to let it go w/o killing it). And the guy who mowed the lawn yesterday came back today to weed wack.

But b/c I still haven't been sleeping well or in a timely fashion, I've been tired all day and not very sharp. I've been doing annoying admin, like struggling to get a contract for a show opening soon, and realizing that some ideas I had for it will not work at all. I also have becoming painfully aware of how short my attention span has gotten, which makes it hard to do anything. So much for all the discipline I honed during the first 20 years of my life - it's all gone now! I have been attempting a head shift by wearing this apron as a uniform, but it's not working today as well as it did last night.

I think the best plan for tonight will be some dinner and then an early bedtime so that tomorrow I can actually be productive in a visible way.

Mildew loves me

Today was trying, distraction-wise. I think they were moving all the wires from the shorter pole (only b/c they sawed off the top of it) to the taller one. Which meant no power for at least 1.5 hours. Which freaked me out about the food in my fridge. Which is why I had to go over and be like, when are you going to be done, and then one of the workers yelled up to the guy up there to say, "the lady wants her power back!" Haha.

The area around my residency is teeming w/men in hard hats. I especially loved the added touch of having a dude on the riding mower doing the lawn. Oh, and some random painter pulled in and got his photo taken w/a painting, in front of the cottage. I assume he was the last artist here or a former artist-in-residence. But I figure best to get all the big interruptions done in one day than every day. I found the mailbox and figured out my address here [735 Nod Hill Road, Wilton, CT 06897] and think I will take a park ranger-led tour tomorrow.

I somehow managed to read Ching-In's book that came out earlier this year today, and I highly recommend it. Highly.

[I put these aside in the morning so I would not be distracted.] I had made a call this morning to a volunteer (since there is no program staff anymore; I assume those cuts were part of the whole getting rid of the artist stipend situation, and I think there have been 3 EDs in the past year) about the dampness in the first floor that makes sleeping no fun, and a board member and park service guy came in the afternoon to install a new a/c unit in the bedroom window. I am skeptical, but grateful for fast attempts at solutions.

I had tiny pockets of really good moments of work, but I kept getting distracted, and not just by external distractions. But I started this new sketchbook, which I made years ago with flax and flax tow paper. I still get all gaga over nice paper. And even though I have SO MUCH paper hanging around in the studio, I still feel like I don't have enough!! This morning, I was trying to prep old pieces for my Sept show and really needed backing paper so I trekked down to the art supply store before it got too buggy and scorching. I made phone calls to old friends on the way there and back, so the 3 miles wasn't too bad.

My brother-in-law's nephew had given me this advent star from Sweden years ago and I never used it b/c I never had a home, but before I left to come here, I grabbed it b/c I felt like it was long overdue. It made me SO happy to open it up and hang it! It's really lovely, and so simple. And, it's covered in fine glitter! How can you not love it? All paper, and you're supposed to tie it around a light bulb, so the light shines thru the star cutouts, but the lightbulbs here are too close to the walls/ceilings to install that way.

The good news is that I cooked a pot of rice (I was getting too low on carbs. No matter what the anti-starch bf says, I need carbs! At least my poor little brain does, for fuel), and that I really like the studio space. If I could get wireless, I'd never leave. Except to go to the bathroom. And eat. And I wish there was plumbing up there for water, but it's a sweet space. I'll try to shoot it later when I don't have sheets drying and it doesn't look so much like a year's worth of hoarding exploded.

Square one

This is the caretaker's cottage, where I will live and work (studio is upstairs, everything else is on the 1st floor) for the next four weeks. It's very sweet and has a million little windows that are all hard to open. This is the southern exposure.

We drove past it on the way in and got three sets of directions from two different people but eventually made it in the morning when it was still cool-ish.

THIS is the reason that this residency told me two years ago that I couldn't come right away: the new studio. But it's not even done!! AGH. It's just steps away from where I'm staying and it's such a tease. The worst part is the lack of privacy: construction workers all day + cottage on the road = no working naked!! Sigh.

There's always something when you go to new places, and this time it was toothpaste! I realized after my noon nap and eventually got the nerve up to walk to the market.

What seemed totally doable from the map online, just a mile and a half, was not so fun b/c it was nearly uphill the whole walk back.

Pretty much this place is exactly what I expected: a tiny patch of national park land in the midst of fancy rich Connecticut. The mansions out here are ridiculous. As are the complete lack of sidewalks. And I thought upstate NY was bad! But across the street from the art supply store (run by Paul, who was totally nice and helpful) is the Branchville station for Metro North, meaning that I am accessible (if walking uphill for a mile+ is cool) by train! If I didn't already live so close to NYC, I'd totally make trips into town.

I did a very cursory initial studio setup but have not really done anything yet b/c I'm scared about the evening: I am fearing a mosquito attack. But at least all my hanji is laid out finally for once so I can see what I have and not have to maneuver around the tiniest floor space in a tiny room on a huge highway.

And I think my hanji screen is finally done! My teacher's younger brother was just in a small car accident, so he hasn't had time to get it ready to ship to me, but it's at least in his hands, one step closer to me.

Let the games begin!

Endless shoveling

I wish they had let the army base grow from HERE and not have moved it further inland. Or, even better, move the base over a little bit and then leave the waterfront area for civilians to live in.

Today was the day I had dreaded for over a year: I finally went through every scary bin and storage site I had created before I left for Korea and reorganized everything. This included an inordinate amount of time spent w/my slides. Even though things went digital pretty early into my art career, I still have a lot of slides that are now fairly useless. But it was interesting to see the choices I had made over the years of what to photograph and who I hired. I remember dancing around documentation and being terrified of doing things that "real" artists did, but then I did serious trials by fire and came out on the other end with a fantastic photog and a better sense of myself, my work, and how I want to present both.

Needless to say, this means that either 1. I'm writing all my contact info on slides as temporary business cards, 2. making a proposal to convert them all into vending art, or 3. all of you suckers who get mail art from me will get slides for a while. Or I might spare the whole world and just paste them all into my sketchbook. Who knows. All I know is that starting tomorrow, I finally have the space and time to do anything I want!

I'm still not done packing, but am taking a massive amount of supplies and materials, just b/c I can. This is my first residency that is w/in comfortable driving distance, and I can even holler later if I need anything. In fact, I think my sis and her husband will take a weekend trip and we can go exploring - there are good museums nearby and a printmaking center, too.

Once I roll up clothes I'll be about ready - it will be so hot that I'll need very little to wear since I'll work in my underwear and only need to put on clothes for national park land exploration and my presentation at the local library at the end of the month. I've never done hot summer residencies, but the upside is the tiny bit of clothing required. I will miss the coolness of upstate, but that, and serious COLDness, will arrive sooner than I can imagine.

Another displacement

[Note random sign in background.] I keep telling myself after each move or trip or visit that I need to settle down more b/c it seems to get harder each time. But I fear that is not in the cards AT ALL for me.

[Here's the sign up close!] Yesterday I went for a little stroll into the big field since the sun had come out. I was going to walk more but b/c the sun was so intense, I instead pretended to be Jami w/my camera, stayed close to shade, and eventually just lay in the grass for a while.

On my way back, I noticed that I no longer had the house keys in my pocket. I doubled back to the shady spot of the big tree I was under and thank goodness it was there. This is the nice thing about slow, uneventful days: it's easy to retrace steps, there's plenty of time, and there's only one way certain things could have happened b/c so little has happened that day.

Ben got home in time from work to take me out to dinner on the marina; lots of seafood and wine. Too much wine! Plus I had been eating tons of dark chocolate that he had gotten me when I first flew into Ohio two weeks ago. It was day of pure indulgence (besides the inevitable admin that I felt compelled to continue).

Ben wanted to lay out in the field afterwards to watch stars, but once he fell asleep, I bundled him up and went back inside, only to wake at 3am in a panic b/c he was still outside and I had not fetched him. At times, I am possibly the most heartless anti-romantic ever, but luckily he came in a few minutes after three and didn't get mad even though it was warranted. He took care of breakfast and getting me to the airport on time and I made it right as my fave Roots song came on.

After the drive, flight, bus ride, and train commute, I made it home to face a ginormous shipment of bricks from a traveling exhibit. Of course they packed it all wrong so the bricks were crushed, but I just shoved them into a bag and threw it downstairs into the "scary" closet (my name for places that you just throw shit into and then don't deal with. Like the scary drawer, etc. - not that I have one! But I take advantage of other people's). Oh, and the 20-kilo box from Korea that I shipped in May. Books, research, odds and ends, and winter clothing. I might as well box up all the winter clothing to ship right on upstate.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow: massive packing for my month in CT. Excited for how that will shape up, but not excited about digging deeper into what has turned into the scary bins of art, supplies, and who knows what else. But the work has begun!