Sunday, June 10, 2007

Study, cookies, gizzard

I've started to panic about going to Mexico. I have cold feet and wonder if I should 1. write a will before I leave or 2. cancel the ticket and bail. I don't feel excited about it; I psyched myself up for it b/c other people thought it was a good idea. And b/c I felt like I would be pathetic for not having a summer residency. But I'm not sure if it's worth it. While I panic about that, I'm reading a bunch about Korean art, which is fun (I LOVE that the rainbows I've been drawing for a while are in this panel from the mid to late 19th century, during the last dynasty before everything went to hell in the 20th).

My new epiphany about Korean history and why learning it is a bummer: it's a history about losers, about people who have constantly been kicked around and dominated. Growing up with American history was easy - this country got all the land (and lots of other things). Of course, along the way, it exterminated all the people living here and also brought and enslaved a bunch of other people who didn't live here. But going from studying a history of the winners to a history of the losers, wow. It makes me understand a lot of ancestral baggage that I have, the old grudges, the feeling of being so incredibly wronged that there might not ever be a way to make it right. And people wonder why I have anger management issues. HA!

6 comments:

  1. Yeah, Koreans are honorary Jews. But the way I see it is, if you're Korean and you're still alive, you must be doing something right!

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  2. i was so caught up in my panic and revisiting history that i forgot to say that i tried to be a normal person and saw a play, movie, and had dinner w/a friend in the midst of it. only, she might need a root canal so then we talked all about that, which only got me more upset. HAHAAA. oh, and then i watched "who killed the electric car?" tonight and got another dose of depression.

    how am i supposed to fight the man? i was thinking that maybe i should try to get in somewhere, like work for chevron or halliburton, climb the ladder, and then dismantle it, but since i'm KOREAN, i'd probably not ever get in unless i was cleaning the freaking office. hm.

    oh, wait, i know!!! i can disguise myself as a korean dentist and try to become the company dentist and then use dental torture (i know all the tricks since i've been in the chair) on them.

    see? i HAVE to be an artist. nothing else works.

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  3. oh! and i watched "hero"! i loved the colors.

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  4. Ah the joys of the modern age! By documenting these breathless, middle-minded revelations about fighting the man, drinking lattes, and your "history" (zzzzz) in this blog you can save the diary pages for those super interesting sculptures. Keep up the great work.

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  5. Dahlink,

    I forgot to add, I think you should go to Mexico. What would you do instead if you didn't go? Unless you think you'll be so unhappy there that you don't accomplish anything. But if you have an open attitude, I think you might love it! Oh! If you decide not to go, maybe I can go in your place and I'll say I'm you the whole time (they can't tell Asians apart, no big deal!).

    And having a will is a good idea for people of all ages at any time. Go ahead and write the will, I think they have fill-in-the-blank ones at those giant office supply stores that will hold up in court. I'm not trying to be morbid here, just prepared. PS If I die you can have my tripod, even though you have a new one already.

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  6. aw, that's so sweet. if i die first, you can have my tripod.

    my sister said that no one would fight over my stuff so there's no need for a will. just for that, i should make her my executor and donate all my art to zillions of collections.

    and thanks for the mexico advice. i'll let you know if i need you to step in and go as me. the only catch is that someone on the residency actually knows me. hahaa.

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