Monday, May 21, 2007

"You're a misanthrope"

Is what Ching-In said to me last Wednesday on a thunderstormy evening after I tried to hang the wall one way, and then another. This was my first attempt, which I had to change, shot as the sky went black during the moody day. I found it hard to be vulnerable in a public place w/people I didn't know. It's like being in a relationship with someone but having no privacy from the rest of the world. I'm still in post partum and have a strong withdrawal instinct, which is hard when I need at the same time to be supported by and close to people. This is exactly how post performance feels, empty and bereft.

Coping mechanisms: my enormous reading list (I'm on Nora Okja Keller's Fox Girl now), TV, research on Korean paper artists, more apps, food prep, and calling people incessantly. I miss having a studio, and snow.

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