Sunday, May 06, 2007

Life of a droplet

After a few days of writing on myself, I'm having blogger's block. I had a post ready in my head while watching Tides Friday night, but then ended up staying up until 3:40am finishing the first season of Lost, and am still recovering from that. Gili was so right about this bead being a droplet. I feel like I'm part of the show, yet I barely have a connection to it. I mean, the people are all wonderful and supportive, but they've gone through this whole process of making an evening-length piece together. I get to be part of it, but in this passing way, in and out. I don't even know everyone's name. It's more like, the really tall woman, or the one with this color hair, or the one who does the trapeze duet with Di, or the one I randomly hugged after Friday's show. The music is amazing. I love seeing something different every night, getting a better sense of the structure, being comforted by how solid the dancers are.

I feel lucky to be part of it, and see how it mirrors my life: I am welcomed and appreciated, but there's a sense of not belonging, of passing through. I can so do many things, but only for so long or so deeply. And then I pick up and rove again. I've always valued being able to carry what I need on my own body. I obsess over how much luggage to bring on any given trip/residency b/c I can't rely on a person or vehicle. Yet I'm less able to shoulder burdens, which scares me. Anything more than a violin or bag on my back makes me miserable (ask Gili, who often carries the extra load). Is it my posture? My heart caving in? But I don't want to stop moving. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow after more sleep and more capable of attending to the endless streams of work.

3 comments:

  1. maybe you need to find community in new york. like some place where you can come every day or every few days and get to know the other folks there. maybe that's what this is about.

    ReplyDelete
  2. are you kidding??? i feel like i'd rather stay put and not worry about training in all the time to town. i also feel like anytime i'm about to get settled, i have to up and go somewhere again. like boston in two weeks for that monster install.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i'm so glad you are a part of this. i loved seeing you there both from the stage and when you were on stage. so glad we had a moment to connect after the show.
    i look forward to more.
    xo

    ReplyDelete

thanks for visiting!