Friday, October 27, 2006

I love beeswax

WOW. I just finished ironing all the maps I waxed this evening. When people ask, "what's sexy to you?" I am usually at a complete loss (I kind of feel like the word "sexy" is completely meaningless at this point in time). But waxing and ironing handmade paper with beeswax is that. Or maybe just erotic. Whatever it is, it smells SO GOOD. It makes me love people, and being an artist.

I'm one day away from showtime and still have tons of gaps in the performance. I can't sleep. I was really upset about how I buried my chest, and that will take a while to get over. Still need to rake the soil in that spot, and drag over an old metal sign frame (a rectangle inside a circle) to put over it. I got up on the 2nd level of the barn again today in daylight and tried to clear the planks that aren't screwed down. I kept thinking, "I don't feel safe here. This is not a safe place. How do I make it so that I feel safe here?" I finished hanging the rope, and almost had a very bad accident w/the ladder (luckily, I got out from under it before it slammed down onto the wheelbarrow). It was really misty today so I didn't want to do any stringing. So I have a lot of barn work to do tomorrow, but hopefully it will be a nicer, dry, warmer day.

The forecast is warm and sunny for the weekend! That means I can scrap my wiring the barn idea and just use my violin. Thank god. I've been wiring and hanging walnuts today, and that feels good. I still have to figure out how/if my other paper will operate in the space. And I'm still knitting a second glove. Shawn and I went to Grand Island today to run five thousand errands and I felt totally ill afterwards - that gross rainy day feeling of shopping in the suburbs (that kind of tired, cranky, carsick feeling in Westchester - exactly like that). It carved out a huge chunk of day and I ended up trying to recover by napping and showering. I got a beautiful, moving letter from Nathalie (like, a REAL letter w/page numbers and all. And I thought they were extinct). I've been drinking black tea and home brew from artists at Ox-Bow to try to stay awake. I'm excited about my new yellow leather women's work gloves: no more splinters!


  1. ellie8:36 AM


    when i was little i told my mom i wanted to be 'sexy' when i grow up. now, i hate that word it brings a wierd feeling to me like how women are objectified. i know it doesn't have to be that, but to me for some reason it is. i don't like it.

    your body needs sleep just as much as it needs food and water and air.

    good luck with your finishing touches. i like your getting long hair.

    oh one more story: when i was little, i was in the basement helping my mom iron. for some stupid reason she left me down there and i decided to iron the clothes i had on... i put the iron right to my chest. i'm not sure if you have this type of burn... but i remember the somatic sensation well. kind of revolting and makes me angry... sort of like the word sexy.

    hmmm... off to be blown away in the texas wind. xo

  2. how are your teeth? shawn was telling me about trader joe's fake sausage in the tube. i'll try it when i get back to chicago.

    i know!!! i feel the same way about the word sexy.

    i know about the sleep, too, but my body has gone into performance survival mode. i remember it from thesis: i can't go to bed early and i wake up early, automatically. but it's good. i take naps and pace myself. i live off the work for a few days. i'll crash monday. actually, i think shawn and chela and i will have a big fun breakfast monday after the harvest is over.

    i like it, too, now! it's funny b/c when i realized i was growing it long, i wasn't happy about it. but now i am. now i'm excited.

    wow. that's a crazy ironing story! ooooow. mine is when i was very little, i was playing a game by myself where i would run to the iron (my mom had just finished ironing and it was sitting near the wall on the floor to cool), jump over it, turn around, jump over it again, and run back. i kept doing and my tiny baby sister was watching, and wanted to do the same, only she went to the iron and instead of jumping over it, she sat right on it.

    i remember that was when my mom's mom was living w/us (from korea...i hardly remember her being w/us then, but i remember this time) and she put my sister on the floor on a sheet spread out and was putting ointment on her - right under the butt on the underside of the top of the thigh. she has a big scar.


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