and then KEEP on hurting, I start to worry. I feel a little better - I took a mini walk, which made me feel strange b/c it's in the 80s today. I'm like, hello, I was just getting used to autumn, will you just STAY that way?? Of course, even w/o watching the Al Gore movie, I know that's just me being unrealistic. I also took a shower, as per Ellie's advice (b/c it makes you feel so much better). I had a nice talk w/Chela, who explained that when you're on the farm w/all the trees, you feel all closed in and hunkered down. But as soon as you walk out on the dirt road, the entire world opens up. All this sky and field. I should make sure I walk more often since I don't have a car, so it's my only means of "escape." I also washed out a dirty bucket and scooped out my ash from the fire. Doesn't look like much, does it?? Amazing how SO MUCH tree can turn into nothing.
This is all the shifu I spun yesterday. I also got my package of boxes from Art-o-mat, which my dentist told me about. I was hoping to get my art accepted for it, though I'm feeling a little run out of steam. I moved all my bedroom stuff to the farmhouse and unpacked it all this morning. I don't know if it will solve all my issues here, but it's worth a try. And like Chela said, I can always go back. She also reminded me that it's not just me being a crazy wanting to be a princess atop a tower, but that it IS just a really sweet space, so it would be hard for anyone to leave, to live in a 100+-yo black mold-infested farmhouse w/mice and such.
This is the other major problem: my arm is not getting any better. I should be specific: my right SHOULDER still hurts like hell. Scraping milkweed, which I thought started it, is over. But I still write a lot, and am a massively right side dominant human. I also do tons on my computer. I haven't even tried to fiddle w/this condition. Taking a walk today was my way to do something that didn't require it, but it hurt even then. I don't know what to do, b/c 1. I don't want to stop working, 2. there's no doctor to be seen, and 3. I would have to make enormous lifestyle and work adjustments to relieve my shoulder (and I've found in the past that this kind of thing will eventually over-tax the LEFT side, and then you're just screwed all around). I SO miss my bodyworker.