Sunday, September 03, 2006

Utter self-indulgence

Well, well, well. I was just about done w/my last post of the day, and then another crash. Trying to be patient and calm about this.

What I was saying: I had eaten too much, surfed the web too much, felt badly about myself too much, so I wandered up to my bedroom as a last resort, where I never go during the day except to change clothes. I forget how lovely it is during sunsets - all golden and wood and warm and striped - and lay down to read a chapter of Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, which was exactly the chapter I needed to read:
The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.
Emphasis mine. To remind myself of myself, and why I finally hit the wall here: b/c I've been trying to tie up all my loose ends, and haven't let myself really work until I do that. Silly me. So I'm hoping I'll go to bed early tonight, wake early tomorrow, and start all over again.

3 comments:

  1. I HAVE that book! Crazy! I picked it out of a bin in front of someone's brownstone in Park Slope. How is it? Should I read it?

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  2. My computer has been freezing up, too. I end up rebooting and forcing myself to use the time to dust my bookshelves or add to my recycle bin. Oh, I found you the One Blog Over way. Enjoyed your posts over a glass of ice water.

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  3. hahaa! i actually read that a book a few years ago, and then my meditation instructor in chicago gave it to me a few months ago. yeah, it's good. i do it in bits, or else it just turns into a big mess of the usual. it calms me down.

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