Saturday, September 16, 2006

#1, to clear my head

We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is, we only become more fearful, more hardened, and more alienated. We experience ourselves as being separate from the whole. This separateness becomes like a prison for us, a prison that restricts us to our personal hopes and fears and to caring only for the people nearest to us. Curiously enough, if we primarily try to shield ourselves from discomfort, we suffer. Yet when we don't close off and we let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all beings.

--Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart
I'm feeling a little like I'm being dragged along a highway by a car that I built and tied myself to but got going by mistake. My eyes are pooped out from so much knitting (Tam: I think that making and spinning my own paper yarn helps w/the process...something about knowing it intimately makes handling it easier), transcribing, and computer staring. I woke up today cranky and not in the mood for yoga, so I read first (and how perfect...too bad I didn't have that paragraph ready for my thesis), did very little yoga (the rule being that if I do mild suns, down dogs, and a decent headstand & shoulderstand, that's enough), and then wandered outside to the mailbox. WHOA wind. I did some sprints up and down the road to remind my heart that I'm still alive and some body stars w/my back to the corn.

Yesterday was massive tornado warning weather/storming. HUGE hail stones were littered all over, like golf balls in the grass, in the SUN, after the pouring rain and 70 mph winds (maybe that's why I had a dream about Elbert pelting me w/snow balls last night). When I was napping yesterday upstairs, I felt like the cupola would be ripped off at any moment; it was like sleeping in the back of a van w/everything shaking. Last night going to bed was like being in a light show b/c of the constant lighting. But the storm explained all of our moods and energy shifts, which I still find amazing. Ions!

I'm now going to try and get myself back in order (I had to move all my stuff again b/c of the massive leaks all over) and get good headway so I don't feel so crazy.

2 comments:

  1. Again, your life seems like a Dali painting in words- totally surreal.

    Yes! NASA did research about wind blowing isotopes off of rocks and through our bodies, affecting our neurological chemical processes. I can only imagine what a tornado would do to a person. But do you feel better now that it's over?

    PS how do you make text indented like that?

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  2. i switched to firefox for blogging purposes b/c you get all the nice helpful composing tools. it's a blockquote and i think the code is: open bracket "blockquote" close bracket TEXT you want to quote open bracket backslash "blockquote" close bracket (in firefox). or click the button w/the big quotation mark on it. like my fake "i know what i'm doing on computers" guidelines?

    i'm not quite sure that it's over, but i feel a little better after a shower and doing some little pieces. i feel like how it is outside: all scattered b/c the wind is STRONG!! it's really astounding to me, though, how we are so powerless in the face of nature like that. i mean, i talked to the director and another artist here, and they both were wide awake at 3am the night when the storm was rolling in, unexpected.

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