Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I win all self-flagellation contests

I feel like it's Friday. And again, I feel CRAZY. Yesterday's slide shoot didn't go too well; Terttu borrowed a camera that didn't work so I only got half the amount of slide film that I bought and after picking up the processed slides, all of them were overexposed. I also was eating too much chocolate (and food) yesterday. I was so panicked today that I had to step out of the yoga studio 5 min before class to call Tam and ask her to tell me everything would be okay. [but I like this shot that I took - it's like my tower is going to eat Terttu, who was working very hard. So was Nathalie, my lighting director extraordinaire.]

I am having a very hard time in yoga lately b/c my sciatica is so bad. Plus, it's flaring up on the right side, which freaks me out. I'd elaborate, but don't feel the need to. Just to give a basis for understanding, I'll just say that this time a year ago, a very bad, bad thing happened to me (police report HL something or other) and as a result, my emotional trauma lodged itself physically in my left sciatic nerve. I've been working for a year to get it back to normal, and it almost was, until this month. So it brings up a lot of things for me emotionally, which then pile up on the rest of the crap I have to deal with (like thesis, graduating, moving, answering the "what are you doing now??" question, etc.).

Yet I still have SUCH a hard time not being hard on myself in yoga when I have to modify my poses b/c of my sciatica, even though it's not my fault that I have it. Especially b/c they're poses I used to be able to do w/o any problems. It's good to learn first-hand what it's like to not be in perfect health or shape, and good to not take things for granted, but it's HARD. I'm not going to age gracefully, for sure. I'll be kicking and screaming the whole time.

3 comments:

  1. that is such a cool pic. Why wont Terrtu ever hang out with me. I guess im not as cool as you. I hope your sciatica gets better, it is no fun, i know. also i hope you get better slides with your sisters money.

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  2. hahaaa. i don't know if i'll get better slides. tomorrow and friday will officially be hell. aka documentation central. i hate this part of making art - the business part. where you have to prove you did it by having really good pictures of it. totally unfair.

    hey - i want to give you a book. i just gave robert one tonight b/c i wanted to give the gallery attendants them before i'm gone. even though you don't sit at yr desk and cry.

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  3. well i will cry if everyone gets a boook but me..

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