Monday, December 12, 2005

Flaming Katy is definitely dying

Yeesh. I hate being so freaking bad at taking care of plants. I'm glad Elizabeth hasn't been witnessing the slow death of this once vibrant succulent.

ARGH. Thesis crits on Saturday were kind of a nightmare. Slogging through sixteen people presenting what they're going to do for thesis shows and having fifteen faculty members present was insane. Insane! The room was set up extremely badly, so we had some serious "hidden behind a pillar, can't see you" action going on, which is super for good communication. And then we had pretty classic shifting standards, so that some people were treated very gently, and others were just reamed out. Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but it was still enormously exhausting. Predictably, no one got what I was trying to say and got upset w/me (which makes me laugh...people are forever expecting that I'm trying to antagonize everyone, and then they preempt it all by getting angry w/me before I've done anything! It's amazing) and said things like, "Why would we care about your piece? Why would anyone want to see or experience it?" I wanted to scream. Why does ANYONE want to see ANYTHING?? It's soooo beyond the point!

Of course, in crit mode, I failed to really stand up for myself as I would have liked to, but that's b/c crit mode is similar to "mom being mean to me" mode - it's very difficult to step outside of the warped constructs and roles in critiques when you're in one. Most people are notoriously bad at doing it. [for those of you who don't know what crits are, they are critiques: you present your work, and other people give you feedback. Often, people just try to tear you down. The useful crits are the ones where you have specific questions about your work and are able to voice them and have them addressed. They're also useful if people don't talk over each other and don't attack each other.]

I really loved the fact that I had all these questions that I handed out, and people were too busy saying, "hey, wouldn't it be great if you threw bricks at people!" and "we don't want to see that kind of shit" to even begin to address my questions. Basic ones being, is my project even feasible?? I want to build a 14-ft-high brick wall made of paper bricks!!! Doesn't anyone think that is ridiculous and not necessarily structurally feasible?? Oh well.

The other major problem (besides my unfailing amnesia: I keep forgetting that people can't read my mind) was that the whole thing is a huge joke, but no one got the humor. I told them I was going to make a fortress out of paper bricks, be at the top of it inside and look outside a window, and draw comics for people who happen to come inside. I was also going to have books that were self-portraits (basically, long comic books about different things that have happened to me, etc.) on the outside of the wall, and then all over the walls, and possibly embedded in each brick. The response I got was, why comics? Why would you do that? Are you trying to work with humor?

Um...last time *I* checked, comics are ALL about humor! That's the only freaking way some of us can deal with the enormous pain of life. Come on!! I think I've also just already been pigeonholed into being the performance artist who makes beautiful diaphanous environments and plays my violin. I would think that doing something completely different for my thesis would make sense - b/c when else do I get to fool around like that?

Yammer, yammer.

Needless to say, after the post-crit drinking for Ami's bday on Saturday, I was totally exhausted for the rest of the weekend. I made a new rule for myself: I don't drink. But when I do, I will only have ONE. I'm amazed at the difference between ONE and TWO. hahaa! I helped Terttu all day yesterday trying to make her photo book for her final due Tues, and we had major grain issues so it's not done. Then I came home last night, crawled into bed w/my book, and read for half an hour before taking a quick 20-min nap. That was perfect - enough juice to get me through the last 200 pages of the 600 in _The Wind-up Bird Chronicle_.

But afterwards was the worst. That novel was particularly disturbing, esp w/all the graphic murders. I think I'm done w/Murakami (five novels, one book of short stories. I started a new novel last night of his, but might not finish it). I realized a few things while I was reading: what have I been reading? Fantasy/fiction, comics, and critical essays. I think I know why, now.

1 comment:

  1. my crit for you is that you are amazing. and i want to see a fortres people can climb into. i love the idea. whatever you do is beatiful. love the brown holiday card on it and teh wording of the words. the way you describe crits like your mom being mean is what my therapist calls getting "hooked in" to a point where you can't get out and feel free and be yourself! i just had an image of someone fishing from your fortress balacony hooking fish in their throats. gory. i'd be interested to see you do something gory. i'm sure it would still turn out beaitufl. xo

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