Thursday, November 17, 2005


I ran downstairs to drop off my lights and paper and cart and other goods, and saw the one sheet I made but didn't come close to using tonight: a big "over" in wire, not folded. And indeed, this thing I've been agonizing over for months is over. I can barely see, and am still chilled. I'd like to say I'm thrilled and happy and all that, but really, I'm just that classic zombie in very basic post-partum.

I took my videographer out to dinner (and too funny to call him that, b/c he's not. I mean, he's a director/writer/producer, and I still don't understand how that works, except that it means he's really busy and it's kind of strange to spend a night shooting something like this. But I'm sure I'll be very pleased w/the footage) and now I'm back home.

The three hours actually passed a lot faster than I had expected. I didn't really have many moments of, "AAAAARGHHH, what time is it?? how much longer???" It only happened near the end, when I was listening to the piano bench w/Keely and Cal, and hoping that I had less than 45 minutes to go. It turned out that I was pretty much done. I went straight to Greg after leaving the bench, b/c I just had to have a time check, and he showed me his watch, and I had a hard time reading it b/c I had apparently forgotten how to read time. It LOOKED like 9pm (when the show was supposed to end) but it looked like it was backwards.

Tonight was hard. Hard mostly from the cold. I had asked for the fans to be turned off and they said the blowers were off and I was afraid that meant all heat was gone, but luckily there was still a little coming thru some vents. I was walking a lot on the marble window ledges and some I'd stay on b/c they had heat, and I was almost crying when I had to stop between double pillars, b/c there were vents in there where outside wind was coming right onto my back. The very last window on the north side closest to the lake was BRUTAL. It was almost like it was open. I'd look outside and see the snow flurries and hear the wind. And I was barefoot with completely thin clothing...I knew it would be a challenge, but didn't expect that I'd be shivering and nearly chattering at points. For that reason, I was grateful to have figured out that I'd do the piano bench at times, and let myself play on the floor as well.

I was shocked at how many people played those two little Boston uprights. Whew! Makes me sad that all those pianos couldn't be there. Then again, makes me glad, b/c my soundscape would have made me CRAZY. It was VERY, very basic. I don't pretend to be a serious composer - or at least, I'm not able to write for more than just myself. So, the way things turned out was quite good considering.

There was a girl who looked just like Ellie-Jo and I couldn't stop looking at her. Something about her eyes. I didn't want to read into them or project, but they were very compelling. I felt bad b/c it looked like the guy w/her wanted to leave but we were still locked. Sometimes I want tell my audience: you can do what you like, and for as long or as short as you'd like. But that seems like too much instruction. I shouldn't assume that people will just do what they want, but I do.

The really amazing part was how FAST the whole thing came down once we hit 9pm. I was out of there at 9:30pm. NO time to just hang, or ponder, or anything. Not even to look at the landscape again. Over so fast. I guess it's good that way.

Now I get to sleep in tomorrow w/no guilty feelings. Then onto regular life.

Thanks to all of you who came out in this horrifically sudden winter weather. You were so lovely; really touching. I wish I had anything good to say. But I'm practically blind and tired in that really deep way. Even good sushi and a tear-jerking bloody mary and pumpkin mochi ice cream won't make me forget that. Maybe I should draw an epsom salt bath (unless I think that will make me drown). Thanks to rock star Greg for the stands and the totally perfect support; it's not easy knowing how to do that right - lay low or disappear, clean shit up, reappear just when I need it...a very special skill/talent/gift.

Okay. I'm going to stop before I just blab endlessly about nothing. Time to unpack.

1 comment:

polarchip said...

Hey! Congrats on completing your big performance! When you get a DVD of it, send me a copy!

Your descriptions of Chicago winter remind me to stop my L.A.-is-freezing bellyaching. Stay warm! ....don't understand that bit earlier about me and Minhee dressing up? Miss you.